I'm not dead just busy!

I suck at updating this.

Eli is 7 months old now. Isn't that crazy? Wasn't I just finding out I was pregnant and feeling all girly vibes? Or counting down the days until my c-section? And now he's 7 months! Crazy.

So where to start on the updates? I'm not sure, because I'm not sure where we left off, and frankly, I'm too lazy to go look (story of my life).

We'll start with Eli:

He can sit up on his own (Granted, he's been doing that for awhile) He's sort of trying to crawl (making more of an attempt to do it than Cayden ever did. Cayden just rolled everywhere. Eli will army crawl backwards) and he sort of pulls to stand. His reflux? Not any better. Shortly before his 6 month appointment, his prevacid stopped working. So, they switched him to prilosec (if you're for some reason keeping track, that makes it his third medication, zantac, prevacid, prilosec.) At his 6 month appointment, I told the doctor I didn't think it was working. My husband, however, stupidly told her he thought it was fine (and later on told me he said that because he thought it was as good as it was going to get) Well, last week I finally had enough and told Jer to take him back into the doctor. She then put him back on zantac along with the prilosec (dunno why, zantac didn't work the first time.) After a horribly long weekend, I made another appointment for tomorrow. At this point, I don't even know if it's reflux. I think it is, but we've had NO testing done, other than for pyloric stenosis, which really isn't reflux related. People are telling me it might not be reflux at all, but a milk protein allergy. So I'm pretty much going in demanding that he get a barium test to see if he has reflux and if so, how bad it is, and an allergy test. I hate being THAT mom who wants tests done that her baby might not need, but I feel like at this point it's probably better to give him tests instead of playing guinea pig with his medication, you know?

So. 6 month pictures:








Those are the collages - we got individual shots that they made the collages out of, but this way I don't have to post ten billion pictures. I was SUPER happy with how they turned out.

Now on to Cayden:

Cayden has been... Well, Cayden. He's only a few months away from three (and that also kills me. I mean, in a way, I feel like he's been around forever, and I can't really remember life without him. But, he's my baby. When did my baby get so big???) He's showing every symptom of "terrible two's" there is - and I've heard three only gets worse. He's SO independent, and so fearless. It scares the CRAP out of me. He's also just SO funny - the crap that comes out of his mouth is hilarious (and will probably get me into trouble. Though he picked up "what the hell" from his grandma.) We're starting to get him involved in things - he's in soccer right now. Really, all he does is sit on the sidelines and cry (I'll show you pictures in a minute) so I have no delusion of him being some super mega sports star, so that's now why we've enrolled him. I just think he needed something to help him burn off energy. And, he really likes to be with other kids. So. Yeah.

We also took him to see his first movie - cars 2. He did SO well and loved it, so I'm REALLY excited to be able to do that with him now. Here are some pictures, I always feel like I don't post enough pictures of Cayden, but it is SO hard to get him to hold still, and now he's started to either look away when he sees a camera, or make a really weird or grumpy face.

....And of course, photo bucket has stopped working for me. I promise I will come back and edit this later with cute pictures of Cayden at the movies/"playing (i.e crying on the sidelines) soccer.

I'll try to post more often - it's just been crazy. My sister's wedding happened (and was BEAUTIFUL, yay!) and then I'm back in school now, so between the kids, school, and the other blog, it's been hectic!

It's 3:24 AM

What are you doing? Probably sleeping. That's what normal people do at this time. What am I doing? Writing while listening to Eli fuss in the other room. Because he doesn't want to sleep, or eat. He has clean clothes, a clean diaper, and he's warm enough. Frankly I'm tired of trying to get him to go back to sleep, so he can just lay there and fuss for awhile. Because it's 3:24 AM and he should be sleeping.

I miss sleep. I think we've been over this before, but I miss it so much that I think it deserves yet another blog post about how little I get, and how much I miss it. The first thing anyone tells you when they find out you're having a baby is "Wow, you're going to miss sleep." I hate that that was true for us. Because the thing is, it's not really true that often. Yes, you get less sleep than you probably did when you didn't have kids. But if I could get the kind of sleep my other friends with kids got, I'd be euphoric. Their kids will sleep for at least a solid five hours. My child thinks sleeping is for the birds.

I dunno. When it comes to having kids, people always assume your life is going to change drastically. And I assume that it does, but the thing is... You don't really remember what it was like before hand. I cannot recall how it felt to just randomly decide to go to a movie and be able to leave right then and go. So it's not like I miss that part. But I do remember fondly the days of sleeping past noon. I miss those days.

Sometimes my children annoy me. You're never supposed to say that as a Mom. You're supposed to talk about how wonderful having kids are, how much joy they bring to your life, and all that mushy stuff. But sometimes, I can't stand my kids. I can't put a spin on Eli's crying jags, and Cayden at two and a half is the most frustrating person I've ever met in my entire life (and I've met some frustrating people.) Sometimes, I want a break, I want to not be Mommy for a day, I want to put myself first, and not have to worry about getting someone a juice, or a water, or a diaper change. Some days I want to not have to dress three people, or get three people ready to go out the door. Some days I would like to eat a meal while it's still hot, and not get interrupted once. I would die of happiness, I think, if I got a full nights sleep without a single voice crying out and waking me up.

I had to say that, because it's Mother's day. And on Mother's day I feel like sometimes women want to go on and on about their children and how great they are. And children are great. Cayden may be the most frustrating person I've ever met, but he makes me laugh, every day. Eli's crying jags suck, but they do end, and his smiles are the best smiles I've ever seen a baby make. People stop me on the street to tell me how beautiful my kids are, and I literally beam, because they are gorgeous little people, and sometimes I am shocked an amazed that I made them, that they came from me, that they are apart of me.

So why concentrate on the bad? I don't think I'm concentrating on it. I think I'm merely acknowledging the fact that we have mother's day not to say "hey, look how great my kids are!" but to say hey! Sometimes being a mom sucks, but you hang in there and still do what you gotta do, and you are AMAZING for that.

I have carried a baby for 10 months, shared my body. I've had my body cut open in order to bring them into this world. I have been pooped on, peed on, bled on, vomited on, and once even vomited blood on (that was a fun day) I haven't gotten a full nights sleep in at least 5 months now (probably longer than that), I have been hit, kicked, and bit. Sometimes I feel like more like a survivor of war than a Mother. I've sat up all night worrying about a fever and a cough, I have tip toed into rooms to check to make sure little bodies were covered and chests were still rising and falling. I can make a bottle with one hand, and change a diaper with one hand. I am a master at playing cars, an expert hot dog maker, and a cartoon critic. I've danced in living rooms to no music and hidden under tents made of blankets. I've chased away monsters, shared my bed, nursed boo-boos.

I do have to give my children some credit. Without them, I not only would not be a mom (obviously) but I don't think I'd be the person I am today. Putting someone else first all the time requires a selflessness that I didn't have. Having kids also forces you to celebrate and appreciate the little things. Sure, I don't get a full nights sleep anymore, but I have such an amazing reason to drag myself out of bed the next morning. Date nights may be few and far between, but being stuck at home as never been more fun.

Anyway, that was a bunch of babbling just to say: Mom's, appreciate what you do. I understand and appreciate all that you do. Take time for yourself. And also take time to appreciate your kids. Yeah, today is about Mother's, but we Mom's never really can seem to leave our kids out of anything.

Happy mother's day! And because I keep procrastinating, here are just a few of my wonderful, beautiful boys:

Feeling kind of blah

It's the weather. I know we're lucky, because all we're getting here is rain and a few storms, nothing super bad (I hope you all are safe!) But I am still sick of the rain, sick of being stuck inside, and feeling really cooped up. I keep thinking I want to go out somewhere with the kids, but the only places we have to go are the same inside places we've spent all winter at.

Other than that, we're doing alright. Eli will be five months in a couple days (two days, to be exact) and that blows my mind, because we're so close to half a year, and when did all this time pass, exactly? This time last year I was cramping and thinking I was going to lose him, and now here he is, a smiling ball of chub and love. Time is going by way faster now that I have two. However, Eli still seems small to me. I guess because I've got Cayden around to compare him too, and he's just way smaller than Cayden is, obviously.

People are already asking me about other children. My Mom likes to say that two is plenty (which makes me laugh, coming from a woman who had three) My Mother-in-law likes to tell me we can't be done, and she implies it's because we don't have our girl yet. And that seems like the dumbest reason in the world to have another baby: Just to try for a certain sex. It kind of reminds me of eating chocolates, and taking a bite out of every one until you get the kind you like. Only with babies, you can't just leave them in the box. That may make it sound like I don't want my boys because they're boys, but that's not true at all. I'm just saying, if your ONLY reason to have another child is to cross your fingers and hope for a certain sex... I just couldn't do it.

Still, I'm not sure I'm done. Some days I know I'm done, some days I think I should have been done before I started, ha ha. But other days... My Mom I tell her I'm not done, to get under her skin, because she shouldn't tell me that I am done. It's not her decision to make. My Mother in law, I tell I am done, because again, it's not her business to tell me I need to keep having kids, especially when she herself only had one child. Everyone else, I tell the truth: I don't know. And I figure I don't have to know right now. I mean IF we have another child, it'll be years down the road. It's not like I have to know the answer now. We can figure it out later.

Cayden wants another sibling. He asks for one all the time. It makes me laugh. We were so worried about how he'd handle things, and he was fine. Better than fine. He's an amazing big brother. We've had some hiccups (he's hit Eli, he accidentally kicked him in the head once, a week or two ago, he poked him in the face with a fork, and yesterday he was trying to help me feed Eli and jammed the spoon down his throat.) But Cayden loves to hold Eli, loves to talk to Eli (He'll get up in the morning and say "Good Morning Eli!") He's been super helpful with Eli and loves to tell me "He'll get him" when Eli starts crying. And Eli looks at Cayden and just smiles and laughs. They're amazing together. I love them so much separately, but when I see them interacting with each other, I'm so proud and so full of love that I literally feel like I'm going to explode.

Baby is up. I was going to try to do pictures. I'll have to do it later.

Sleep

Sleep has gotten.... Interesting.

Eli slept the best he's ever slept the other night (barring the night of the shots, where he only woke up once because I woke him up) I thought it might be permanent. It hasn't been. We also have another issue. He sleeps a LOT better in his rock and play (for those of you who don't have any idea what this is, it's like a bouncy seat that is taller and safe for sleeping. If you don't know what a bouncy seat is, google it, ha ha) I believe he sleeps better there because it's inclined. The issue is, is it has a weight limit of either 20 or 26 lbs (I can't remember off the top of my head) I'd rather him get used to his crib before we can't use it anymore. Now, if I thought it was just a "I need to get used to it" issue, I would probably just tough it out. But, with his reflux, I think he needs to sleep sitting more inclined. Also, when he lays in his crib, he tends to get more congested, which the doctor said is common in reflux babies - especially ones that spit up a lot, which he does. So, he lays in his crib, doesn't sleep well in it, and then sleeps even worse when he gets congested.

We did incline the mattress, but we can't incline it to the same degree as his rock and play, and so I just don't think it does much good. Not sure what else to do. I guess we'll rock and play it for now and hope he grows out of his reflux before he grows out of his rock and play.

Cayden and sleep... Ugh. Just ugh. I know Mum asked about nightmares/night terrors. Cayden has both - he's had night terrors since he was a baby. Night terrors differ from nightmares because a child/person will scream and LOOK terrified, but will be REALLY hard to wake up (and actually, you're not supposed to wake up, as usually that will only prolong things) They have no recollection of being scared/know what scares them. From what I've read about them, it has to do with sleep cycles and stuff I think. Nightmares are obviously dreams that scare them. Cayden's had a few of these (and the more nightmares he has, the less he seems to do the whole night terror thing) I don't know. We were supposed to go in for his 2 1/2 check and had to postpone it, but I plan on seriously talking to his doctor about possible sleep issues/what we can do about them.

In other news, my Mom has to go in for a heart cath tomorrow, so I better catch some sleep. But if you guys could keep her in your thoughts/prayers, I'd appreciate it.

I love my son, I love my son, I love my son....

I love my son. I just need him to get away from me right now. I realize that that probably makes me sound like a horrible mother, but if I don't vent, I really might explode. I think everyone can agree that that would make me a worse mother, right?

He's back on a no sleeping kick. I don't know what the hell to do, it's so frustrating. And I know - all kids have sleep regressions at points. But it's not like he sleeps well and then has a few weeks of bad sleep. It's like his good sleeping is his regression, if that makes sense. Where other kids are good sleepers majority of the time with periods of bad sleep, he's a bad sleeper with periods of good sleep. I've done everything - I've been active with him so he's tired, but made sure he's gotten his naps so he's not over-tired. He goes to sleep on his own - no sleep aides. We stopped giving him milk in the middle of the night, so he's not waking to eat. He is two and a half years old and is waking up just as much and sometimes more than Eli (who is also a crappy sleeper, but at 4 months old, it's more normal than a 2.5 year old doing it.)

Lately it's even worse, because he wants to get into our bed. And if I don't give in, he's still up multiple times. It used to be if he slept with someone, he was at least a good sleeper - not waking. Now it's the opposite. He's still up multiple times. The only advantage is that I don't have far to go.

Today though, I'm just on overload. Cayden and Eli both slept super crappy two nights ago - with Eli up literally at least every hour, if not more (he learned how to roll from back to belly. So he'd roll onto his belly and wake himself up. Not a fun night) Last night Cayden wanted in our bed, then spent the whole night whining in his sleep. The baby actually slept decently, so of course he was up bright and early. Then Cayden woke up and has just been the biggest whiner/cry baby in the whole entire universe.

And I know - I know he's 2, and that's what 2 year olds do. I'm not saying it's unexpected, I'm not saying it's abnormal, but after the past couple nights on little sleep, coupled with having him pretty much on top of me whining all last night, it is more than I can handle right now. It's to a point where I'm considering just shutting him in his room. I really think he just needs to go back to sleep, but of course he's not going to do that.

Alright, now that I've vented a little, I better go be attentive to the beast. Wish me luck.

I miss writing. Every time I think time is going to clear up for me to start again, something pops up. It's starting to get a little bit old. I miss hearing from you guys, I miss seeing where the other blog is going to go. I keep telling myself eventually things are going to die down, but then something else pops back up. I'm just not so sure anymore.

Cayden is sick. Yet again. For the billionth time in a row. I think it might possibly be yet another ear infection. It's so frustrating because he's not a sickly kid. He was never sick before, and ever since he got croup, we just have had one thing right after another - mainly ear infections that keep switching ears, then his friend got whooping cough and because the boys were exposed to it, they both were on preventative antibiotics for it, which is fine, but it caused them both to have stomach cramps. Then he and I both got some weird stomach bug, and now we're back to... I dunno. Thursday night he woke up with a fever and was crying and clingy. Gave him motrin, fever broke, we let him sleep in our bed. The motrin wore off, the fever came back, he was cranky, we gave him more. Fever goes away, and he's his normal, hyper-active self. But, 6 hours later, the motrin is gone, and he has a fever, and all he wants to do is lay on me... He has no other symptoms but a fever (and when he has a fever, he's cranky.) He's not saying anything hurts, he's not throwing up. Just the fever.

As it stands now, I'm writing this at 4:30 am when I should be sleeping because Cayden's been up a bajillion times, and Eli's been up a bunch and I want to make sure they're both REALLY down before I fall asleep. Which I think they are.

Again, I can't apologize enough for being MIA. I know especially to readers from the other blog it must feel like I just blew it off and I'm never coming back. Trust me, I miss the blog. I have plans on what to write. I just need to find the time to sit down and write it.

We're still sick, I guess we're germy mofo's

I've had a post in the making for awhile now. I keep adding to it a little at a time, and then I'll think "I'll post pictures as soon as the kids go to sleep" and then something else comes up, and then someone gets sick. Yes, again.

We had a month of ear infections, and then it was followed by Eli having some weird cold thing that wasn't too bad during the day, but made him sleep super crappy - and the doctors thought it was due to his reflux. We'll have a few days where people will be good, but I'll be so dead set on then getting out of the house/getting things done around the house. And before I know it, someone is sick again. Now we have some weird stomach bug.

I keep waiting for spring to arrive - because it's supposed to be here - thinking that once it warms up, we'll be good. Buuuuut it has yet to come. Which is bullshit, huh?

For anyone who cares, I'll try to give some cliff notes of what's been going on:

Eli is now 4 months old. Crazy, huh? Crazier yet, Cayden is officially 2 1/2 years old. My baby is now closer to 3 than he is to 2. Eli is sitting up on his own, and laughing and smiling like crazy. He's still a vomit factory, but at the very least it doesn't seem to bother him (just me. Because he always seems to have particularly big vomits out in public) Cayden is talking like crazy and says the most hilarious things (Today he handed me a diaper and told me to poop in it!) We're still potty training. It was going really well, we were even going out in public without diapers! But then he started to regress a little, and then he pooped in a play place, and now with the stomach bug, it's much safer to have a diaper on. We're hoping to "re-jump" things after this illness is over.

Things are flying by. I can't believe I'm 25 with 2 kids. I can't believe how big my kids are. I can't believe that I can look at Cayden and then look at Eli, and I can't remember when Cayden was that small. I do remember though that things didn't go by this quickly with Cayden (probably because I only had one and wasn't so busy.)

Alright, well Eli is having another rough night, annnnd is currently awake, so I'm going to try to get him back to sleep. How are you guys doing? Is it dumb to say I've missed you?

Germs and the germy people who have them

I have a post written detailing our trip and it just needs pictures of the boys. Why haven't I gotten off my lazy ass to add pictures? Because I'm sick. Again. And so is Eli. Only I think Eli is faring better than I am.

I feel like a walking over the counter pharmacy because I'm taking so much OTC stuff. I'm hoping to go in tomorrow to get something real. I thought it was just a cold on steroids, but now I think it's a sinus infection, or an ear infection, or maybe even both.

Is it spring yet? I can deal with the cold weather, I'm so tired of the germs.

People are such funny creatures

Today I got asked what age I consider a young Mom to be. I have no idea. I guess I'm a young Mom? Although, 25 doesn't seem that young to me, even if it is a new 25. Do I feel older though because I have two children? I don't know, maybe. I've just always considered age to be the number of years you've been on this earth, not how mature or experienced you are. My sister's fiance is older than me - the same age as my husband (33) and I think he has a lot of growing up to do. However, one of my campers is 18 and I think she's more mature than a lot of people I know. Time doesn't make you more experienced or more mature, it's what you do with that time that does.

The person who asked me that question was asking because she overheard a complete stranger say very rudely that there were SO many young Mothers these days - as if it were a bad thing. It made me kind of laugh to hear this story - we live in a day and age where people don't report child abuse or help a stranger in trouble because it's "none of their business", but yet strangers still find it acceptable to comment on how I raise my children, or what age I have kids at.

People used to be considered old maids if they weren't married with kids by 25! And now it's the norm to wait till 40 and beyond. People say it's better to wait until later to have kids - you're more mature, more experienced, you tend to be better off financially, and you've had time to do your own thing. This can be true - but it can also not be true. And it can be argued that a younger Mom is in better shape to chase after her children, and since the age gap is closer, can better relate to her children. I just think being a good Mom isn't something that can be determined by age alone. I would never recommend for a 16 year old to get pregnant - BUT there are some 16 year olds who I know who would handle it MUCH better than others. And, I do know a single teenage mom who is a much better mother to her daughter than my 29 year old friend and her 29 year old husband are to their son.

Personally, I don't think anyone is ever really ready to have kids. Oh, sure, you can be more ready than others, but life always throws you curves, and you just can't plan for everything. Kids are unpredictable - the problems that arise with them are so very different. You just kind of have to bite the bullet and jump in.

I went off on a tangent that I didn't mean too. It just irks me I guess, how everyone seems to have an opinion on parenting - and they're not afraid to tell you when they think you're doing it wrong. I had parenting plans when I was pregnant with Cayden - how things were going to go. And then everything went to hell. It was rough, at first. I was depressed and felt kind of like a failure, because damnit that's not the type of Mom I was supposed to be. Then I realized that I was exactly the kind of Mom I should be. I loved my son more than words could say. I just didn't realize that different children and families need different things. One thing works on one child and it won't work on another. One thing works for one family but won't work for another.

Anyway, I came to update you guys on our trip, but it's almost 2 AM and I'm tired and still have to put clothes in the dryer. So next post will be trip update with pictures :-)

I will never sleep again

As you can see, I'm playing with the layout of the blog. I like it alright, I'm especially proud of the picture at the top of the page - those are Elijah's tiny toes.

I played with it because I'm not sleeping. Eli getting up so much has really thrown my schedule for a loop, and my insomnia has come back with a vengeance, so even when he is sleeping, I can't. Now I'm up all night, and I sleep till 2 or 3 in the afternoon (Jeremy watches the kids). It seems like a nice arrangement, but it's not. I feel like I rarely get to see my kids anymore - since Eli goes to bed at 8:30 and Cayden goes down at 9:30.

He was giving me a 5 hour chunk. And then it was 2 hours after that. Then he stopped. For the past two days he's been a decent sleeper. Tonight he's been up five or 6 times. And before, he'd eat and go back to sleep. Tonight he seems to think it's play time. I thought a growth spurt, but he can't be spurting this much. I've tried everything I can think of - swaddling, not swaddling, I stopped rocking him to sleep so if he wakes up he can learn to fall back asleep on his own. The doctor (who knows our history with Cayden's sleep issues) told us that we could try cereal in his bottle. She said because he's a bigger baby, he may just need something more satisfying. However, she also said it could just end up backfiring us. I guess with a few babies it holds them over, but with others it just fills them up quicker, making them eat less and therefore they wind up hungry faster. I'm still considering trying it. I just don't know what to do, even if I get my sleep schedule back on track, it doesn't matter, because it'll just get screwed up again with Eli waking every hour. I know a LOT of babies don't sleep through the night at this age - and I don't expect him too. But my pediatrician said we should be getting at least 4 hours - we're not. We were getting 5, but even after he slept that long chunk he would then be up every two hours after.

To top off sleep frustrations, Cayden, who FINALLY started sleeping through the night (28 months. 28 freaking months to do it consistently - and not even all that consistently, we did have the occasionally night where he'd wake once - but he slept through the night more days than he ever has before.) has also been waking. And not just his normal one or two times. Not even three times. Six times. I counted. I am blaming this one on a growth spurt, but I'm just hoping that when it's over it doesn't mess up the wonderful pattern we had.

My children are amazing, and I love them, but I think they might be trying to kill me.


Nothing much else is going on - we're taking them to the Aquarium in Newport on Monday and I am SO excited. That's one of the best parts about having kids, you get doubly excited. I like the Aquarium and can't wait to go for myself, but I know Cayden and Eli are going to LOVE it, and I can't wait to see their reaction. I know Eli's little but I just think he'll love looking at the colors and stuff, and Cayden is just going to go nuts. We're staying overnight in a hotel that has an indoor pool - so Eli will get his first swim and Cayden loves the bathtub, so I hope he's back to loving the pool (when he was a baby, he loved the pool. Then he was afraid of it, then he loved it, then last summer we took him swimming and he wasn't a fan. We shall see.)

Alright, I'm going to go play some more on picnik - I'll have to post my "creations" sometime :-)

Dear future daughter-in-law

Dear Future Daughter-in-law,

I have a mother in law that annoys the crap out of me. And I realized the other day in a way, I'm sort of lucky. I wish she was an awesome mother in law, I wish we got along better, but at the very least she's showing me what kind of mother in law I don't want to be.

I don't actually know if you'll be my daughter in law. You and my son may decide not to marry and just be together. Or, my son could be gay and you could be my son in law. You might be white, black, asian, latina... Whatever. It doesn't matter to me. I don't care what you do, I don't care what you look like, all I care about is that you make my son happy. My son's are special - but I know anyone they choose to be with must be special as well.

I used to not understand why Mom's had such a hard time when their sons started dating or got married. Now that I have children, I get it. It's not just sons, it's any child. You carry this kid for 10 months, protect them and care for them for 18 plus years, and their your whole world, and for awhile, you're their whole world. And then you're not. And then there's the fact that boy's are often told they only have room for one female in their lives. Suddenly you go from being that number one to not.

However, I also realize that that's my job as a mother - to raise my children so they can go out there in the world and be successful in their own lives. It doesn't mean it's not hard, or that it doesn't hurt, but it does mean that I've done my job.

Here's what I promise to you: To treat you and your choices with respect. I'd love it if one day you gave me grandchildren - but I realize that is up to you guys. And if you choose to have children, I will not pressure you on when, or how many. I won't judge your baby names or your choices in parenting. I will try my best to only give advice when asked for it - and I will never get angry if you choose not to use my advice. I also realize that times change, and by the time my babies are having babies, what I did when they were kids may be outdated. It is up to you to decide how much and when you want me around.

I will never make you feel like I feel like you're not good enough for my son. I trust my son's judgement - even as I'm writing this and they are only 2 months and 2 years old. I know that if they love you, it's with good reason. I hope that you and I will be able to have a great relationship - I hope that I can help with a wedding, if you choose a wedding. I hope I can be there to help out with babies - if you choose to have babies.

I just want you to know that.

Oh MIL

I know you guys like hearing about my MIL, so here's the latest story:

We haven't seen them since the day after Christmas. We made plans a couple times, but they kept canceling - supposidly my MIL was "sick", and then we had bad weather so it got canceled again.

So we finally see them Saturday. We went out to dinner for my birthday - which was nice of them, they didn't have to take me out and I appreciate it. But it was really annoying.

First, they get there before us, and the place is busy. They had put our names on the wait list - but we had a large party (because they counted the kids - so we had 6 people) and then on top of that my MIL and FIL requested a specific table - they usually request NOT a booth, since they're bigger and can't fit in them, but this time they asked for a half booth/table for some reason.

Well, then my MIL starts complaining about why it's taking so long - and about how other people were going ahead of us. We tried to explain to her that those people had smaller parties but she didn't get it. Then when Jeremy mentioned that we were also waiting for the special table they requested my MIL got all worked up "I don't care WHERE we sit, I just want to sit."

...Well, you didn't tell them that. So that's why we have to wait. And it's not like she was like "Oh, I don't care anymore." She was acting like the hostess was an idiot because she couldn't read minds. Another reason I hate going out with them - they are always SO rude to people and it's embarassing.

So then she starts asking about what we plan on doing with our tax money - and asks if we plan to move out of my Mom's house. We're not. Don't get me wrong - I want to live in our own place, but it's actually working out better than I thought it would. She helps us, we help her. Right now too, we can't afford to move out - even if we used all our tax money. And we need to get a car, because the one we have is about to bite the dust.

Anyway, she hears this and gets upset - I'm pretty sure because she's jealous. But she says "I just worry about the kids and the smoke."

Which ticks me off. I mean don't get me wrong, the one thing I DO hate about living here is the fact that my Mom and brother smoke. I mean they don't smoke around the kids, but they still smoke inside, and I know it's not the best for them. But, when it comes down to a smoking household or the street - I think the house is better. If she was so fucking worried about the kids and the smoke, why didn't she offer her house? Not that we'd take it, but she has just as much room as my Mom does - if not more, because she and my FIL share a room, where as my brother needs his own room.

So I kind of rolled my eyes and said my normal "they're fine" whenever she starts in on that stuff.

She goes on to say "You won't be saying they're fine when they get asthma"

And the way she said it was just totally rude and snotty and basically like I didn't care about my kids. Which really ruffled my feathers - but I tried to stay calm, and answered "They don't have asthma." To which she answered "I didn't say they did - I said WHEN they get it." Making it clear that she thought they would get it.

I kinda snapped and just said "Cayden is 2 and a half years old and he's been sick twice. I think he's in damn good health and I think Jeremy and I are doing a wonderful job in raising them."

George, my FIL sensed that it was getting heated and kinda cut things off at that point saying "You're right, you are." and she dropped it.

However, thinking about it now, I wish I would have said more. I can't defend smoking - it's a nasty habit and I don't want my kids around it, but again, I wish I would have brought up the fact that they never offered their smoke free house, so obviously she wasn't TOO worried about it. Or the fact that she was so adament that they would get asthma - when I grew up in a smoking house with THREE smokers and a cigar smoker, my Mother smoked WHILE pregnant, and I don't have asthma - and neither does my Mom, sister, or brother who are actual smokers themselves. Or how about the fact that she doesn't smoke but she's sick with something every other day?

Then Jeremy told me when we were leaving how he doesn't understand why she's being so judgy - his Dad used to smoke and smoked around Jeremy!

...I just can't stand her.

Blessed

I know. I just posted a few hours ago, but I'm still awake (issues sleeping. Bleck.) and I just wanted to write somethings.

New Mom's are prone to complaining, I think. Being a new Mom is hard, you carried this baby for 10 months and it slowly took over your body, getting bigger and bigger and then you have to push it out (or, you know, get it cut out like a tumor. Which, it kind of is a tumor, in a way, I guess.) And that's taxing and tiring - but you don't get to rest, because suddenly you have this helpless human being who needs you to do EVERYTHING for it. No rest, AND your life changes dramatically - especially if it's your first.

So yeah, new mom's like to complain. And honestly who can blame them? It's a wonder they don't go into shock.

I think I mentioned in my last blog post that last night I stayed up late looking at pictures and reading old blogs... I stumbled across a blog entry about a little girl who was supposed to be due around the same time as Cayden - but instead came super early. She was born a little over 1 lbs. She wasn't supposed to live - but she did. I remember blogging about her because I was having such a rough time with Cayden - I was sick from the pancreatitus and all that crap and feeling sorry for myself because of all the procedures I had to go through and feeling exhausted being a new Mom and blah blah blah. And around this time I stumbled across her blog - and it made me take a good long hard look at myself. Yes, I did have to go through a couple of procedures, and yeah they sucked. But at least those procedures were routine - and I had an end in sight. This little girl, as small and young as she was, had to undergo open heart surgery. And who knew how many more surgeries or test she would have done on her.

Yes, getting up with a new baby every two hours is exhausting. But these parents had to travel to the hospital just to see their baby - leaving their other two children at home, and some days they couldn't even hold their baby.

The little girl's name was Kayleigh - sadly enough Kayleigh is no longer with us. She had one last procedure before she was supposed to go home - but something didn't go right, and she ended up brain dead.

I can't tell you how hard I hugged Cayden that night. And every time Kayleigh pops into my head, I have to go give him a hug - because I am so very lucky that he is here, and he is healthy.

With Elijah, there's another sick little girl. She was born in October, her name is Scarlett, and she has a brain tumor. They discovered it at her 2 month well baby check. Can you imagine that? Eli is two months. I can't being to go into my well baby check with what I think is my healthy chunkster only to be told - no, your baby has a brain tumor, and there is nothing we can do about it.

They got a second opinion, and the surgeon said they could operate. So far she is doing well, but she's not out of the woods. And again, I just feel so very lucky. Yeah, Eli has reflux - but it's not going to kill him. I don't have to sit up at nights wondering how much longer we have left.

I know I'm the Queen of complaining - But I just wanted to take a moment and let you guys know that even though I complain, I am completely aware of how very blessed I am. My boys are here with me, they are healthy, they are gorgeous, and I'm so very lucky for that. No new mother wants to think that her baby might get sick and die - but it's always a possibility, and I just want to thank God that so far that's not a possibility for us.

Send a prayer up for baby Scarlett please, and if you would like to read about her, she has a blog here: http://brandiandchris.blogspot.com/

Be forewarned: I am in a very weird mood. Not bad, more like slap happy. I keep saying things that I personally think are hilarious but are probably really stupid/annoying to other people.

It's been a crazy past week or so, with me being sick and then Cayden being sick (and Jeremy and Eli too.) Saturday we went out and celebrated my birthday - which was fun but I was also worried as both boys were home with my Mom. I know she's raised three kids who were closer in age than Cayden and Eli, and I trust her, but they can both be such a handful sometimes, and she's older.

Anyway, my birthday was fun, dinner was good, presents were good (it obviously isn't the important thing, but honestly who doesn't like presents?) On my actual birthday Jeremy bought me a cake and made me an awesome dinner, so that was nice too. We filed our taxes, which is exciting - even though the money is pretty much already spent (we're buying a car. The car we have is making some funny noises, and it's TINY.) We got hit with the ice storm, which was fun. Fun, fun, fuuuuuun.

As for the boys... They're both doing well. Eli has a slight cough and Cayden is still coughing/running nose, but is back to tearing crap up, so I think he feels better, ha ha. I'm so happy we finally figured out Eli's reflux medicine - he's a whole new baby. He's still not great on the "put me down and I'll hang out by myself" deal, but I think now it's because he's used to being held - where as before it hurt to put him down. He's started to do little stretches of time on the floor, which is nice, and I'm hoping soon I can put him down to play while I get things done.

I stayed up late last night re-reading old blogs on my myspace and looking at old videos and pictures. It's crazy that a mere 2 years ago, I had no children (OK, it's a little over 2 years - Cayden will be 2 1/2 next month, how crazy is that? But you get my drift.) I really can't remember life without kids. I have no idea anymore what it must have been like to sleep in as long as I wanted too, or what it was like to pick up at a drop of a hat and go see a movie... I just can't remember. And I really can't remember what it was like to only be a family with one child. I know it was easier - I know things got done faster, but even though Eli has only been here for 2 short months, it was like he was always here.

I also was shocked to see how little Cayden used to be. Even pictures I have right before Eli was born... He seems so much bigger now. Everyone says it, I say it all the time, but they grow so fast - overnight at times. I stumbled across a video of Cayden that was taken while I was pregnant with Eli and his vocab was so much worse than it was now. It really is amazing, when you sit down and think about it, how quickly these helpless little creatures grown and learn and figure things out.

I talked to Jeremy about having more kids. Obviously, it won't be any time soon, but I do think I would like one more. He says I'm crazy, but I just think that every woman knows when she's done, and I just don't feel like our family is complete yet. I do realize that I could not handle another baby right now - and I don't think I could even handle another baby in the same age gap as we have Eli and Cayden. But, I do think we'll have one more, and I'm already excited for him/her. I already have both names picked out, and I already know that we won't find out the sex and it's just going to be fun. I just can't be done with babies yet. Again, Eli is growing SO quickly and I don't want this to be the last time I hold an infant.

And now, for pictures:
I may have already posted this one, but I think it's neat, because I didn't pose it:






Someone on babycenter made this for me, Cayden is on the left and Eli is on the right:

He's my son

There was a song my cousin and I used to obsessively listen to when we were kids called he's my son. Back then we just thought it was a pretty song, but last night I heard it play over and over in my head. Especially the part that says "Can you hear me? Am I getting through tonight? Can you see him? Can you make him feel alright? If you can hear me, let me take his place somehow. See he's not just anyone, he's my son."

I was hit with some crap on Monday, we've been calling it the death flu around here. It literally knocked me on my ass and I could not move. Didn't want to eat, didn't want to sleep, just wanted to lay there and moan. I thought it was horrible.

Until Cayden caught it. Realistically I knew that he would eventually be alright, but Cayden's never really been sick before. He's had bouts of weirdness where he would spike a low fever, or just seem cranky, but he's only had one diagnosable illness, which was an ear infection, and it never affected him like this.

Originally, Eli was the one I was worried about. He and Cayden were both running low grade fevers, but Cayden was still running around like a madman, where as all Eli wanted to do was sleep. I also figured Eli's immune system was weaker than Cayden's, and if he was hit with something, it would hit him harder.

Then Cayden laid down on me on the couch and fell asleep - something he hasn't done in a year or longer. The boy is too busy to cuddle anymore. Then I worried a little - but he got right back up when he woke and went back to terrorizing. Then right before bed, he followed me into the kitchen where I was cleaning bottles and stood in the middle of the floor and just started to cry.

It broke my heart. I knew exactly what he was was feeling, but I knew he didn't understand why he was feeling so bad, and I knew he expected me to make him better - and I knew I couldn't. I did what I could. We put him in our bed to keep an eye on him. I gave him sprite (forbidden soda) to help his push fluids and give him a treat. I turned Cartoons on the TV and ran the humidifier and just cuddled with him until he fell asleep. Then his fever spiked and I had to do all sorts of horrible things to him to get it down - force feed him medicine (which made him cry and cough until he choked) put him in a lukewarm tub (which, again, brought on the tears) and keep wiping him down with a cool cloth. He still wanted his Mommy though, and he was still so very sweet - saying thank you after we gave him a drink of water, or reaching for my hand while I held his sweaty body.

His breathing really scared me. I'd listen to it rasp and see his little chest go too far in and I wanted so badly to fix it right then and there. We opted to wait until the doctor's office opened because with Eli we sat in the ER for 6 hours - and by then the office would be open. We could keep him a lot more comfortable at home. But it was hard - you just want to fix it. And you can't.

He has croup and an ear infection. And after two steroid shots Mommy's little tough guy seems to be bouncing back quite well. But I hope his immune system holds up, because I don't ever want to have to go through that again - and not because I was tired. Seeing him like that... It was really scary.

This is Cayden's post, but I do want to say that Eli still isn't doing great with the reflux. He isn't spitting up as much, but now he's having other issues that I'm pretty sure are still reflux related... It's just a mess and my dream of having a baby that sleeps well has gone up and smoke - and I'd be OK with that if Eli wasn't in pain. That sucks.

Moving on to the promised Cayden post... My son? Hilarious. It's really not always a good thing, because sometimes when he's acting up, we laugh because it's just so funny - and then it sends the wrong message and encourages him.

He's starting to repeat things we say. That's not always a good thing, as Jer and I both have a potty mouth. One morning Jeremy said damnit in front of Cayden, and the next thing I knew, Cayden had dropped something and said "I dropped it, damnit. Damnit, damnit, damnit."

Funny, but not the type of thing I want my two year old to go around saying.

However, today Jeremy was on the phone talking to someone, and Cayden held a hot wheel to his ear like it was a phone and just repeated everything Jeremy said "my name is Jeremy. OK. Thank you, bye bye!"

We're also working on potty training (which is going pretty well, except for poop. He's pooped in the potty once. He's pooped on the kitchen floor, in his diaper at nap time, in his undies, in his pants, on his bed, and today ALL over his bedroom floor.) Anyway, today he was on the potty and Eli started fussy. He yells "Hold on Eli, I peeing!"

Just every day things come out of his mouth, and I have no idea where he learned them from. And like I said, he cracks me up EVERY day over something he says or does. Yesterday my sister came over and was hanging out with him in his room. I went in there, and the second I walked through the door he said "shut the door!" (yes, he is a bossy guy) so I walked in and shut the door. Nope, he did not want me in there: "Bye bye Mommy! Mommy, get out!"

Yup. Thanks kid, I'll remember that next time you ask me for a juice.

He also LOVES to say "Do it again" when he thinks something you do is funny - most of the time it's something you can do again, like tickle him or make a funny noise. But one day Jeremy trip, and Cayden CRACKED up and went "Do it again Daddy! Do it again!"

He has a firetruck bed, and the bed has a light in the top - but the batteries ran out and so the light doesn't work. He looked at my sister and said "Mew mew broken. You got batteries?"

Again, don't know where the kid learns this stuff. On one hand I love this age, because they are so hilarious, but on the other hand... The temper tantrums... Oh my. They come on so quickly and are so... Violent. Yelling and crying and screaming and throwing things it just happens so fast and over the littlest stuff and then it's over and he's hugs and giggles.

It's an interesting age to say the least. We have his first dentist appointment on Friday, and that's crazy to me.

And here are some pictures:

He and Eli look like twins while they're sleeping

Helping me bake my Mom's birthday cake
Go Bucks!





His favorite Christmas present
ha, I call this one for the blackmail bank



Dino Cayden... Or Cayden in the midst of a temper tantrum.

I hate doctors

Not all doctors. But most of them.

Yesterday morning was insanely frustrating - we were there for about 6 to 6 and a half hours. It took us four hours just to get back into a room. Part of it I understand - it was a weekend, and the only Children's ER for many areas, including all of Columbus and the surrounding suburbs. I knew when we walked in and saw how busy it was that it would take awhile. But I do have to say, after watching the doctors there... They moved kind of slow. And that was annoying - especially when it came to the lab tech who had to draw blood from Eli's foot and took freaking 10 minutes to do so while Eli was screaming his poor little head off. The first doctor we saw was also very odd. He was nice, but he made way too much small talk about the oddest things, and I don't know if he was tired or what, but he would sit there and just kind of look at us and there would be a long awkward pause. It was just... Very awkward, and very annoying - I wanted to find out what was wrong and go home.

What did they tell me after being there for that long? That there's nothing wrong with him. They blamed his reflux and told me to call my pediatrician to be seen.

I hate doctors. Not just because I sat in an ER exposing my newborn to all kinds of random germs to be told there's nothing wrong, but also because while they were telling me nothing was wrong, they made me feel like an over reacting idiot, and I HATE that. I don't feel like I'm an over reactor when it comes to kids. Sure, I worry - what mother doesn't? But when my son falls down I am not the Mom who runs right over and picks him up and makes a big fuss. I'm not saying BEING that type of Mom is wrong, but I'm the type to wait for Cayden's cues - if he stays on the ground or cries, I go over to him. But I watch first, and usually he picks himself up and dusts himself off and is fine. I'm sure this sounds horrible to some Mom's, but I think a lot of kids cry because their parent's freak out and THAT'S what scares them. Don't get me wrong - there have been times where Cayden has taken a fall and I gasp and start to get up because MAN that looked nasty, but again, 9 times out of 10, he gets up and is all smiles.

My point in that is that I don't rush off to the doctor or the ER at every little sniffle. I didn't want to go in last night (What person in their right mind wants to head out to the ER at 1:30 in the morning?) But I knew Eli's reflux pattern, I've been dealing with it for weeks now, and I'm sorry, this wasn't normal. He's never spit up this much, this fast, and this violent before. And every feeding he's eaten? That's not normal either.

Don't get me wrong, I'm glad they didn't find anything wrong, but just because they didn't find anything, doesn't mean I'm a crazy over reactor, and it doesn't mean that there isn't anything wrong. He could have very well had a stomach bug that they couldn't test for. And I just feel like doctors, for the most part, are quick to make you feel stupid when THEY can't find anything wrong. I think that's what makes people doubt their own bodies, but I know my body, and I like to think I know my children's bodies pretty well.

I just wish at the end of the night rather than questioning me on why I decided to bring him in, or telling me it was no big deal,and basically blowing off every question I have, they could have said something like "It can be very scary when your new baby throws up that much, but it doesn't look like there's anything seriously wrong with him. It could be his reflux, or a random bug."

I dunno. There supposed to be somewhere in the top 10 for children's hospitals (I believe in the top 5, actually), and the first doctor was spouting off about how they were the number 4 children's ER and like the 3rd busiest ER or some bullshit... I just figured they would know how to be reassuring to parents. And instead of wasting time by making stupid small talk about CSI, I wish they would have taken that time and been a little more reassuring.

Maybe it's not a doctors job anymore.

But anyway, they can't find anything wrong with Eli. He's continuing to spit up today, but it is a lot less, and he didn't seem to have reflux tonight, so... I dunno. We have a doctors appointment on Monday, and if he keeps being OK I guess the only question I have is what to do about his formula.

I need to make myself go to sleep. It's 4 AM and I'm still up because Jeremy and I napped in shifts today and it's just thrown my whole sleeping schedule for a loop.

Date night...

I'm writing this on my laptop in a special parents room in the E.R at 3:10 AM. Sounds fantastic, doesn't it?

I know I said the next post would be all about Cayden, and while I do plan on dedicating a blog to my older baby, this one goes once again to the younger one.

For Christmas, my Mom bought Jeremy and I this ticket package to the Columbus Blue Jackets (for those of you who don't know, that's hockey.) Part of the gift was that she agreed to watch both kids. I was nervous about leaving her alone with both of them, but she was pretty insistent, and let's face it - Jeremy and I haven't been alone together in a very long time - let alone out and alone together. I was pretty desperate to go. I mean my Mom raised 3 kids, we were all closer in age than Eli and Cayden (my sister is the oldest, I'm the youngest, and Eli and Cayden are only slightly closer in age than we are.) She could deal, right? So I ignored the fact that my Mom is a lot older than she used to be, and we went out.

Things went OK. When we came home Cayden was still awake (at 11 o'clock!) and things were fine... Other than the fact that Eli had spit up while we were gone - so much that he choked on his own spit up and turned a different color, and Mom had to clear him out. Freaky, but honestly the spit up thing is a daily thing with Eli - it's never been so bad he's choked on it before, but hey, first time for anything, right? So I decided to keep an eye on him after feedings and chalk it up to reflux.

Jeremy sat down to feed him a bottle before bed. The second he takes the bottle out of Eli's mouth, Eli vomits all of it back up. That worried me a little - he's never spit up that quickly before, and while it's usually a decent amount of spit up, it really looked like he pretty much vomited it ALL up - which it's never been THAT much before.

This time I blame the formula. We're mainly breastfeeding but since Eli won't take it from the source, I have to pump. Most days I can't pump what he needs, so we usually end up giving him one bottle of formula. Eli always does worse on formula, and we had been playing with his formula to see if another type will work better. Similac regular does the worse - it makes him SUPER gassy and super spit up-y. So then we changed to Similac Sensitive, which he did better on, but there was still enough spit up to think it wasn't the winner. We thought maybe he's lactose intolerant as well as reflux-y, so we changed to the soy stuff. Jeremy had given him a bottle of the soy stuff in the morning with no reaction from him, but hey, maybe he developed a reaction.

So I go to my room to pump because Eli still wants to eat and I don't want to give him formula and have the same result. I pump a little and put it into a bottle for Jeremy to feed him while I finish pumping because Eli was hungry. Finish pumping like 5 minutes later and give Eli the rest of it. The kid doesn't even finish eating and starts to throw it back up, and it was projectile - shot all over me.

He's spit up with breast milk before. But it's never been that bad. And, he's had his spit up night, but the amount he was spitting up was just insane.

So we call the pediatrician. She tells us to go to the ER. Which we are now sitting in, and I will probably still be sitting in until Eli hits his first birthday.

So, if for some reason you're awake and reading this, please pray. Pray that our little beeper thing beeps (that means our room is ready) and pray that they find nothing wrong with Eli (in which case I'll be irritated that I waited this long, but still so very happy that my little guy is fine.)

Poor baby

It's been a trying couple of weeks. As I stated before, when one kid sleeps well, the other doesn't. Then I was sick. Then I was feeling better but got hit with some other stuff. Then I started to feel better and it seemed that Cayden was coming down with something - the way he was talking you could tell his throat hurt, and we thought he was getting an ear infection. And then it just went away, but now something seemed off with Eli and sure enough, he's been diagnosed with reflux.

I can't say I love every minute of my new life. It's tiring, it's hectic, and sometimes I get frustrated or fed up. But I love my boys. Cayden, as frustrating as he can be, cracks me up every day. I literally laugh every day because of him, and I mean... A lot of people can't say that they laugh once a day. I'm so lucky. And Eli... Well, how can you not love a newborn? They're so new and innocent, and while exhausting you just want to protect them with every ounce that's in you.

Which is why this whole reflux deal sucks REALLY bad. He's hurting. You can tell he's hurting and he's hurting because he eats - which, he has to do. And he lets out the most pathetic cry, and what can I do? A whole lot of nothing. I've become a walking spit up rag, dispenser of medicine that can take a week to kick in and makes him cry when he takes it (the doctor said it tastes horrible.) I've done everything I can to try to make it hurt less: I make sure he eats sitting up. He sleeps inclined. But I mean, that's it. I wait for the medicine can kick in.

It stinks too, because he actually seems to do better on breastmilk (which, from what I read babies usually do better on formula.) But when we give Eli formula, he seems to get upset. Which, makes me feel like a total failure when I can't produce enough and have to give him formula. We've switched over to sensitive, which seems to help with his insane gas, but he still vomits. I'm wondering if we should now try a soy based thing, because maybe on top of his reflux he's also lactose intolerant? I don't know. Again, all I know is I want to protect him and I can't. He's hurting and I can't do anything about it.

Alright. my laptop is going to die, and I should be sleeping, because for once all of my kids are sleeping (though it is time to wake Eli for his wonderful medicine, yay!) but I thought I'd leave you guys with some pictures, since it's been awhile.

















Next time I would like to dedicate a post to Cayden, and all the hilarious things he's done lately.

Oh, did I mention during all this craziness we're also potty training? Awesome.

New years...

To be honest, our new years eve kinda blew. But... I expected that. We weren't going out, I was tired and getting over a cold, and I couldn't even really drink at home since I'm breastfeeding. (I did have one glass of lambiq, and we toasted at midnight with a sip of champagne that was the grossest champagne I've ever had. And for anyone who gives me grief about drinking and breastfeeding - check out le lech's website, because it's safe if you moderate yourself - and I had the one glass at 4 in the afternoon and the sip at midnight.)

I have started my diet again, and I'm not doing so hot. It's just really hard to stick to this go around, but I'm really going to start giving it my all. I'm hoping to find time to work out. When, I don't know.

Resolutions always seem to leave a bad taste in people's mouths, mainly because they get broken so easily. So... I have goals.

1.) Be a better mom - I think I'm a pretty decent Mom when it comes to my kids, but when it comes to the more organizational side of being a mom (if that makes sense) I suck. I'm bad at cleaning, I'm horrible at being organized, I suck at keep schedules. I think we need to do this, especially with two kids. Plus, I'm hoping managing my time better will give me more time to be consistant with both blogs.

2.) Lose weight. This was my goal last year, and I lost 40 lbs. When I ended up pregnant I pretty much gained it all back, BUT 5 weeks post partum and doing practically nothing I'm down about 20 lbs. So. Hopefully starting this whole diet/exercise dealio will help me take more off.

That's pretty much it. Right now my resolution is to stop getting sick. I got over my cold and I know have... Uh, bathroom issues.