It's the weather. I know we're lucky, because all we're getting here is rain and a few storms, nothing super bad (I hope you all are safe!) But I am still sick of the rain, sick of being stuck inside, and feeling really cooped up. I keep thinking I want to go out somewhere with the kids, but the only places we have to go are the same inside places we've spent all winter at.
Other than that, we're doing alright. Eli will be five months in a couple days (two days, to be exact) and that blows my mind, because we're so close to half a year, and when did all this time pass, exactly? This time last year I was cramping and thinking I was going to lose him, and now here he is, a smiling ball of chub and love. Time is going by way faster now that I have two. However, Eli still seems small to me. I guess because I've got Cayden around to compare him too, and he's just way smaller than Cayden is, obviously.
People are already asking me about other children. My Mom likes to say that two is plenty (which makes me laugh, coming from a woman who had three) My Mother-in-law likes to tell me we can't be done, and she implies it's because we don't have our girl yet. And that seems like the dumbest reason in the world to have another baby: Just to try for a certain sex. It kind of reminds me of eating chocolates, and taking a bite out of every one until you get the kind you like. Only with babies, you can't just leave them in the box. That may make it sound like I don't want my boys because they're boys, but that's not true at all. I'm just saying, if your ONLY reason to have another child is to cross your fingers and hope for a certain sex... I just couldn't do it.
Still, I'm not sure I'm done. Some days I know I'm done, some days I think I should have been done before I started, ha ha. But other days... My Mom I tell her I'm not done, to get under her skin, because she shouldn't tell me that I am done. It's not her decision to make. My Mother in law, I tell I am done, because again, it's not her business to tell me I need to keep having kids, especially when she herself only had one child. Everyone else, I tell the truth: I don't know. And I figure I don't have to know right now. I mean IF we have another child, it'll be years down the road. It's not like I have to know the answer now. We can figure it out later.
Cayden wants another sibling. He asks for one all the time. It makes me laugh. We were so worried about how he'd handle things, and he was fine. Better than fine. He's an amazing big brother. We've had some hiccups (he's hit Eli, he accidentally kicked him in the head once, a week or two ago, he poked him in the face with a fork, and yesterday he was trying to help me feed Eli and jammed the spoon down his throat.) But Cayden loves to hold Eli, loves to talk to Eli (He'll get up in the morning and say "Good Morning Eli!") He's been super helpful with Eli and loves to tell me "He'll get him" when Eli starts crying. And Eli looks at Cayden and just smiles and laughs. They're amazing together. I love them so much separately, but when I see them interacting with each other, I'm so proud and so full of love that I literally feel like I'm going to explode.
Baby is up. I was going to try to do pictures. I'll have to do it later.
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