I'm feeling pregnant

I was wondering when it was going to happen - the whole feeling pregnant thing. I mean I've been feeling little kicks and movement and all that jazz, but my body still felt good. I wasn't really struggling to get off the couch, I could move alright, I wasn't swelling.

Well, I made it to 26 weeks. And now I'm feeling it. Big time.

My ankles ballooned up. Seriously, I have no ankles anymore. Just little rolls of swollen flesh. I'm hot, I'm tired, and I'm... Well, pregnant. I started that part time job yesterday and let me just say - I felt pregnant trying to get down to the bottom file cabinets and back up again. I don't know how well it's gonna work - but damnit I'm trying.

Work's not hard at all, and I actually like some of it, but I do feel a little like I just kinda got thrown to the wolves and I'm not 100% sure of what I'm doing. Part of it is that it's just SO easy that I feel like I HAVE to be doing something wrong. The other part is, I just like more direction I guess. I mean the attorney I'm working for even said he's not a big direction giver, so I'm like, oh... I dunno, it's a confidence issue. I often feel like I'm messing crap up until I get used to it. I'm sure if I mess things up too bad they'll let me know or fire me, I just hate it looking bad on my friend since she got me hired there.

There's not a whole lot else going on. Getting ready for Cayden's birthday, packing stuff up to move. It's kind of funny that we're moving though, because I think our neighbors might also be moving. They put a bunch of stuff out by the trash today, so I'm thinking they're packing up and shipping out. Oh well, I can only hope that wherever they're going they keep an eye on their kid!

Anyway, if you guys could continue to vote for Cayden, again, I'd really appreciate it. The contest ends Thursday so... Vote often? :-)

http://www.sunny95.com/pages/8009971.php?imageGalleryXRefId=1999212#imgXR

Oh, life is a funny thing

We used to play this game when we were kids. I think we called it good/bad or something like that. You started off saying something like "There was a man flying his airplane." and the person you were playing with would say "Oh, that's good." and then you would say "But his engine died and he was crashing." and then the other person would say "Oh that's bad." and you would answer with "but he had a parachute." and they would say "oh that's good." You would trade off situations like that - once second something good was happening, the next second, something bad.

My week? Has been that.

It started off Monday with Jeremy getting sick and taking a half day off work. That's bad.

Tuesday we got better news - because we had my ultrasound and the baby was healthy. Still, we can't confirm sex, and Jeremy took the rest of the day off to sit in the ER. Back to good news though - neither I, nor Cayden got sick.

Thursday my husband goes into work and finds out he's been fired. Again. This job? Was supposed to be a 4 month assignment that barely lasted a month. But they're a fencing company and orders are slow - they fired ALL the temps and cut back on full time hours.

Good news though - the temp agency got him another job. Bad news - it doesn't start till Tuesday, it pays less, and it's further away.

Now I think I've mentioned we've been behind on our rent. Our landlord has been really nice about working with us, but we're behind - a lot. And he needs money to survive too. He gave us until the end of September and then not only does he want us to start making full payments - but extra to make up on the back payments we owe. With my husbands time off and pay cut? Not going to happen. We're going to have to leave.

Good news with that is, my Mom's allowing us to move in with her. Bad news is that I had to give up my dog, which I did Thursday night. I cried for days - and I still miss her so bad it hurts.

Good news though - I have amazing friends and my friend Shayne (who's wedding I'm in - and her fiance is paying for me to BE in, who is "loaning" us their house to have Cayden's birthday party in.) Not only found me a part time job, but wants to buy us our baby crib. This was an amazing offer which made me cry.

Bad news though - Jeremy went to orientation for his new job - he doesn't start tuesday - he starts Thursday. All un paid time off until then.

Good news - my neighbor, under the guise of going shopping for her son, took me out and bought me a ton of baby clothes - seriously we went from having barely anything to being set.

Bad news, we woke up Saturday morning to find someone had broken into both my husband and my car. Luckily we leave them unlocked (we don't really keep anything IN our cars so we rarely lock them.) so when I say they "broke" in - they didn't break anything (well they did break Jeremy's glove box. But they didn't break the window or anything.) They did steal all our change in the cars (But left the pennies. Seriously - that kills me. You took the time to sort through and leave the effing pennies!)

It's pretty much just been going on like that, and I only assume will continue to do so. I can't really complain much - because we have had silver linings, and they're usually provided by friends who don't HAVE to do anything - it just really honestly makes me feel good that while we keep getting dealt blows that I have friends who are willing to stand by and help absorb the impact. I mean I can't control what's going to happen really - but my friends, well, they choose whether or not to be around. And I think the fact that they're not only choosing to stick around while we're drowning, but they're willing to go above and beyond to throw us whatever lifeline they're able.

I will have to say though that you do find out who your real friends are, and I while I am lucky and happy to say that I have MANY awesome, amazing friends - I am quite disappointed in one: My supposid best friend Brook.

First she hasn't offered to help us in ANY way shape or form. And OK, it's not her job too. But then she hears me say how worried about money we are, and has the balls to say that they're broke too and she knows how I feel. They JUST bought concert tickets AFTER returning home from vacation. They're ALREADY planning their next vacation. Her fiance? Has season tickets to at least 2 sports teams.

Sorry. If you're broke it's because you chose to spend all your money. I'm broke because I don't have any.

Then to put the icing on the cake when she heard about my dog the first thing she said to me "Oh poor Jay." Jay is her fiance - who met the dog twice. Granted, he liked the dog, but I slept with that dog in my bed for 3 years. She was like my child - and I STILL haven't gotten an "I'm sorry you had to give up your dog" from her. Just a "poor Jay."

Sorry, but that right there makes me not want to speak to her again. I mean it's not any of my friends jobs to provide me with monetary support - and what they chose to spend their money on isn't my business. But as my friend I do consider it to be your job to provide emotional support when I need it.

So that sums up my week. It stinks to have to move - especially back in with my Mom, but I am relieved to finally have a solution - and without having to worry about paying rent, we can concentrate on getting the rest of the baby items and saving.

If you guys could keep voting for Cayden though - I'd REALLY appreciate it. It would be so nice to wake up on Friday morning and finding out he won. You can vote as many times as you want, so please - help! :-)

http://www.sunny95.com/pages/8009971.php

That link should take you directly to his album, but if not, his in the first album (a-d) just look for Cayden's name. It should be in alphabetical order and he's the only Cayden in there :-)

Please help!

Alright guys, I have entered Cayden in a cutest kid contest. It's a local contest, run by a radio station (Sunny 95 for all those of you who live in town) and I really think he may have a chance of winning. But I need your help! Pleaseeeeeeeeee go vote for him, and fwd this email to all your friends to vote - you don't have to be in the same city/state - just go to the website.


It's REALLY simple to vote - takes about two seconds. You don't even have to register or anything. Just go to this link, find my son in the a-d gallery under the name Cayden (he's the only Cayden in there) click the little circle under him, and then scroll down and click vote. Seriously takes two seconds, they don't need your email address or anything, so please please please take one second and vote for him!


Here's the link, please let me know if you have any problems, and please please vote and pass on!


http://www.sunny95.com/pages/8009971.php?imageGalleryXRefId=1999212#imgXR

The BIG P - Potty

We've been going back and forth with potty training Cayden. He shows some signs of being ready - and everyone keeps telling me how nice it would be if he was potty trained before the baby came (well, duh.) But, I go back and forth just because... Well, it seems a little overwhelming. And messy. And I've heard stories of kids who regress when a big life change happens - like a new sibling comes into the picture - so it would suck if I did get him trained and then he stopped when baby came.

But, there are some plus sides too. For one, his friend Tyler is potty trained. Tyler is 3 months older than Cayden, and I know all children develope differently, so I'm not saying because Ty is trained that Cayden should be too. BUT, Cayden has picked up some different behaviors from hanging out with Tyler (some of them, I'll admit, are not so good, like shouting MINE when you try to take something away from him, but I have noticed that since we've been seeing Tyler, Cayden's also been talking more and seems to be using a spoon easier - all I attribute to watching Tyler.) So maybe - and I realize this is a maybe - seeing Tyler potty AND be excited about it will make him want too.

I also think I have a pretty realistic expectations of pottying - We will still be using diapers at naptime and bedtime. I fully expect accidents. And I really am prepared to quit if it's been a few weeks of consistancy and nothing's really come of it.

So while we've been sort of trying, today is day one of REALLY trying. Cayden will spend the whole day naked from the waist down (well, until nap time, and when I take him outside I will put pants - no diaper on him. He just doesn't seem to be uncomfortable in wet diapers - but I know he doesn't like wet clothes - so I'm actually hoping that peeing in his pants will kind of show him WHY he needs to tell Mommy he has to potty.

So far today we've had one accident - but he's used the potty a couple times (though not peeing much) However, once he did ASK to go, so... Bonus?

I'm more worried about poop though - he's NEVER pooped in the potty. So we'll see how that goes.

Basically, I'm giving it a week - I don't even expect him to be fully potty trained by the weeks end, but if he doesn't show ANY improvement we'll shelf it for a little while.

Any other Mom's have potty training tips?

And an update on my neighbor drama:

The shit has hit the fan. CPS came out, and the neighbors seem to know it was one of us who called (Which, I figured would happen. I mean we are outside all the time - we're the most likely suspects) I was feeling a little guilty about calling - I know how I would feel if CPS showed up at my house - but now I'm just pissed off.

I know CPS was there because, well, yesterday we saw them (turns out my neighbor's friend is a caseworker assigned to them.) But we knew before that because the father came out the night they came and told us.

The whole conversation is what made me mad. He came out and said someone had called the county on his family, and how he thought it was bullshit and nobody's business. But then he went on to say that he knew he left the one year old outside with us because we were like family and he trusted us.

A.) If you're leaving your child in my care then the welfare of your child becomes my business. Not to mention, you've never once asked me to watch your child.

B.) How are we like family? I don't even know this guys first name!

He also said even when the one year old was out by himself, the Mom watched from the window.

A.) Again, not true, because when he took off for that busy road? NO ONE went after him. If she was watching, why didn't she come out?

B.) Even if she WAS watching - if I was in the back yard with the kid and couldn't catch him in time, how are you going to get outside in time to do it?

Well then my neighbor mentioned that she had seen the one year old in the street and how she did worry about his safety sometimes - and how sometimes it was hard to watch our own kids AND their kid - especially since the kid was a runner.

The father LAUGHED! And then said that the one year old likes being in the street, especially since his older brother is in the street all the time, and how if he saw our kids out, he would watch them.

A.) Yeah, my son likes to do a lot of things that are dangerous for him. As a parent, it's my job to stop him. I mean I don't think the 7 year old should be in the street either, but at least he knows to stay out of the busy street and he knows to get out of the way of cars.

B.) He would never see my kid outside by himself. Because my son is TWO and not old enough to be left alone. Not to mention, I would NEVER let him watch my kid because I don't know him, nor do I seem to agree with his parenting styles. And lastly, even if I were to let him watch him? They're never around! So how could he?

The father then went on to say because of their disabled older daughter they couldn't leave her alone for a second - which if that's true it's not a rule they follow, because they have left her alone before. And I mean, I know having a handicapped child must be a lot of work - and I can't even begin to imagine. But I do know I would not have a second child if my first child was all I could handle - whether they were handicapped or normal. So you going on to have two additional children tells me that you could handle it. Not to mention, the mother stays home all day, and the father says he's home till noon every day... Sooooo why when two of you are home can't one of you take your son outside? And there's a nurse that comes daily - so again - why can't someone go outside? And the little girl has been outside before, she seems to like it, so bring her out with your son.

All in all, everything he said just sounded like an excuse and like they were trying to make us feel bad about not wanting to watch their son. I'm not a free child care service though - I'm 6 months pregnant and having a hard enough time chasing after my own. And don't get me wrong - I am all about the whole "it takes a village to raise a child" and Lord knows my Mom friends have helped me out in a pinch - but it's a give and take and I've returned the favor.

I still feel bad for the little boy. They no longer let him out of the house - which was not my intent when I called. But the whole thing has made me go from feeling bad about calling to just... I dunno. I thought it was a cultural thing - but it just seemed clear from the way the dad was talking that he knew it wasn't right to just leave his child out there, and he was making excuses.

The Mom is also irking me. She wouldn't even open her door all the way when she was yelling for her older son. Then last night she came out while we were out back JUST to take in the one lone toy they left out - and it was clear she did it because she didn't want our kids to play on it - and that makes me mad too. I mean I've shared ALL my toys were her kids, and would continue to do so, but she wants to punish my two year old for something I did - and that she isn't even for sure that I did.

Whatever.

It's a....

Sorry - it's been a really hectic morning. My son didn't sleep well this morning, my husband is sick, I cut my foot open, blah blah blah.

Ultrasound went well - but it turns out I have one stubborn baby. They still could not give me 100% on the sex. The tech said that if she had to guess, what she saw makes her lean more towards boy, but she says not to sue her if I give birth and out comes a baby girl.

For now, I'm just sticking with the boy call. If it's a girl - we'll have a surprise.

August is almost over!

It was a busy weekend, and I'm ready for today to be over so it can be tomorrow and I can go to my ultrasound - prayers please that a.) the baby is still healthy and b.) it feels like showing off the goods!

Friday we met my Mom and she took us shopping - she bought Cayden a lot of fall/winter clothes, which I REALLY appreciated, and I feel better knowing he's got some warm stuff. It's hard to imagine that it'll ever be cold, especially when it's so freaking hot outside. But it's also hard to realize that August is almost over which means that fall is just around the corner. She then took him for an overnight, which is nice because I really have been so very tired lately and the un-interrupted nights sleep and being able to sleep in seemed to REALLY recharge my batteries. I felt a little bad because hubby wanted to go to a dollar movie and was even going to let me pick, but most of the shows didn't start till 10, and I knew I wouldn't make it till them. We ended up renting a movie (the last song - the book was way better, and I'm sorry, I think Miley Cyrus is a horrible actress and she just bothers me.) but I crashed halfway through it anyway.

Saturday my son came home and we took him out to this car show in town. My son? Obsessed with cars. No joke. Yesterday morning I came downstairs and I went "I you Cayden" (which is how we say I love you) and he looked at me, dead serious and responded with "Uhhh.... Cars." and walked away. Anyway, it actually turned out to be a nice little show - especially for a free one. I'm not HUGE into cars but I do like looking at the old ones. They also had some cars for the kids to "play" in - an Army Hummer, a moving truck, a garbage truck, an ambulance, and a bus. Cayden's favorite was the bus, because they let him honk the horn, which he thought was the best thing in the world:


As you can see from this picture, the car show really wore him out:
(he's in a pink car seat because it's my Mom's that we borrowed for my husbands car when she got a new one. My sister talked her into the pink.)

Saturday night we came home to play outside for a bit - but then it started to rain, so we decided to finish the car themed night by watching the movie Cars. Once that was over, Jeremy wanted to "experiment" by seeing if Cayden would watch the NASCAR races. And not only did Cayden watch, but he loved screaming "go go go go!" at the TV.

Sunday we got up and headed out to meet my mom for more shopping. Mom wanted to pick up some birthday gifts - and also got my son a few more tee shirts. She then went to Kohl's and bought him two pairs of tennis shoes and two pairs of sandals (Kohl's has their sandals SERIOUSLY on sale. She got Cayden a pair of car sandals for now that light up - marked down to 4.99. Then she bought him a part of Carters sandals that will hopefully fit next year for 2.99!) My son? Spoiled.

Then we hung out at her house for awhile and came home to play outside, where pretty much all hell broke loose. I know last week I think it was, I mentioned my neighbors who son wasn't being watched and ate poop out of a dirty diaper. I was going to call CPS after that incident, but she seemed to have learned her lesson - because the one year old was watched like a hawk after that. He wasn't left outside by himself, and wasn't being watched by his brother.

Well last night we get home, and the one year old is standing right off his back patio. The way our back porches are, they're divided by half fences which open into the common yard. I couldn't see on his back porch but assumed his Mom was out there. Jeremy went inside to put our bags away and I stayed outside with Cayden - we were waiting for our other neighbors to get home to play.

Well the one year old starts taking off towards this busy road we have semi-near our yard. I wait a minute thinking his Mom is going to go after him - but she doesn't. I call him name, thinking maybe she's reading or something and didn't notice he walked off. Nope - nothing. So then I start to chase after him - no one is on their back porch. Their door is closed. I don't know if she was ever out there. I had no idea what to do - I started to chase after him but then I was leaving my son alone. But I also didn't want the one year old out in the street. Finally at the last second his older brother came around the corner and grabbed him - but he was with his friends and it was clear he wasn't supposed to be watching.

Then later that night, we were outside - it was dark, we were packing up the toys to go inside and put the kids to bed. The one year old comes from around the front of the house. We say hi, and wait for someone to come out from behind him. No one comes. We waited for a few minutes and then my neighbor had to pick him up and put him back in his house - I dunno how he got out, but it was clear no one knew he was outside.

I came inside and called CPS.

I like this woman, but I should have just called last week. I don't know WHY she lets her one year old wander by himself, but he's WAY too young and I just can't believe the kid was almost out on this road and NO ONE would have known. I dunno if she was out when we got home and went inside assuming we'd watch him, but she didn't ask me, and frankly I have a hard enough time chasing after my own child while 6 months pregnant, I don't want to add another toddler to it - not yet at least.

None of these kids have any supervision and I'm so over it. I can't leave anything on my back porch because the kids take it and break it or it goes missing - even things that aren't toys. We had a bottle of ant killer on the back porch, the kids sprayed it everywhere. It was freaking poison! My husband had a grill brush out there and the kids used it as a shovel and got it caked in mud. Then last night it was seriously like Lord of the Flies - the neighbors next door have this bouncy horse they keep out back. The older kids were picking it up and throwing it around, and they were going to break it - but it wasn't my toy and so that wasn't what I was worried about. I was more worried about them hitting one of the little kids. I asked them nicely to stop a couple times, and then I finally just snapped:
Me: You guys need to QUIT. I've asked you several times, not only is that going to get broken, but someone is going to get hit and it's going to hurt.
7 year old in a smart tone: Actually no one was going to get hit because we're throwing it this way and everyone else is that way.

Which, wasn't true, the kids were running around and they were throwing this stupid thing everywhere. And I mean, it's like a ride on toy, so it's a pretty decent size, so it really would have done some damage if it hit the one year old, or my son, or my neighbors son, or even caught one of the older boys in the head.

So I just kinda snapped at him: Actually, you're throwing it all over the place and I've asked you to stop. You boys play too rough around these little kids, and I'm tired of it. If you want to play rough you need to go somewhere else. You hurt Tyler (my neighbors 2 year old) the other night and called it an accident, but it wasn't an accident because you had been asked to stop and didn't (they were pulling a ride on car around with this rope, and actually clotheslined Tyler with the rope. It could have really hurt him. They didn't even bother to say sorry to him just 'it was an accident' And while I don't think it was on purpose, the do act reckless ALL the time and we ask them to stop and they don't - so they had been warned.)

Well then the 7 year old decides to mumble something under his breath - and my husband was already fed up at this point just kinda lost it.

Jeremy: What did you say?
7 year old: Nothing.
Jeremy: That's funny, I heard you say something, and if you've got something to say, you need to speak up and say it. Actually, I've got something to say - if you hit my son with anything, I will call the police and you will go to jail. You've been asked to stop which means it's NOT an accident anymore.

Now, I told Jeremy it was a little much to threaten a kid with jail. But I do understand his frustration. When his Mom does come outside, he doesn't act like that, because he knows he'll get in trouble. But his Mom hardly ever watches him, so he does what he wants.

So then he tried to blockade the kids off his back porch because he was mad at us - which is fine. I don't want my son playing with him anyway - like I said they're too old and they play too rough. But my other neighbor Natalie wasn't hearing it - and she had a good point. These kids come up to our porch whenever they want and play with whatever they want - why should they be allowed to do that and then our kids are banned?

So she told the 7 year old that - he could either stay off our porch and leave our things alone or he could share and play nicely.

It's just frustrating because they're ALWAYS around, and they don't listen to any of us. Sure, if we tell them they're playing too rough or they're too big for a toy they'll stop/get off it - but then ten minutes later we just have to repeat ourselves. And I know a lot of people are like "it's just kids" but they do know better, because most of the time all you have to do is say their names, and they stop. I mean I wouldn't mind sharing our stuff - and I did in the beginning - but they don't take care of it or treat it right and like I said - so much stuff has gotten broken or missing that I just stopped. And it's like - it's a common area, I really can't tell them they can't play there, but I also don't think I should have to risk my child being hurt because they're being too rough.

I just don't know what to do anymore - I can't talk to the Mom since she doesn't understand anything, and I don't think it's fair to keep Cayden cooped up inside and not go play because they're being hoodlums.

Ahhh!

So that was last night's drama. I'm just ready for it to be tomorrow - the big ultrasound and then I get my phone back - replaced free of charge because the Sprint Store can't find a reason for it being broken.

Whoot! I'll update tomorrow with the ultrasound findings.

Being a Mom - it's a heartbreaking deal

Reading Rebecca's blog (which you can find here -http://1life1day.blogspot.com/ - she just had her first - CONGRATS!!!) has me living in the past. I can't believe I'm getting ready to do this all over again. I can't believe my itty bitty 8 lb baby boy is now 32 lbs and about to be 2 years old. With Cayden, around this time I was freaking out - wondering how I'd manage, if I could do it, how I'd handle being a Mom. I thought the second time might be easier - that I wouldn't be so worried, but it turns out I'm just worried about different things. How to give both my children the same amount of attention, how to do things better this time around.

My favorite piece of advice to give new Moms is just to enjoy every moment while they have it - takes pictures and record milestones but also live in the moment. I feel like with Cayden I was so concerned with documenting and recording, and focusing on what he should be doing or doing next... Well, I didn't really enjoy the now.

Everyone tells you how fast you go - but you don't really know. You can't really know, until it's your baby who has gone from this fragile little being who you love so much that it scares the crap out of you to this... Chubby little ball of dirt, sticky, and drool that still scares the crap out of you (because you still love it so much and because children do the scariest things - like head diving off the sofa and laughing about it.) Who can walk and talk and doesn't want to cuddle with you anymore because he has things to do and people to terrorize.

To this day I can't listen to the song "It Won't Be Like This For Long" by Darrius Rucker without crying. My husband teases me for it - but it's just SO true, and so fitting. Often times when Cayden wakes up in the middle of the night I find myself playing the part that says "but right now she's up and crying, and the truth is that he don't mind, as he kisses her goodnight and she says her prayers." He then goes on to sing "He lays down there beside her, till her eyes are finally closed, and just watching her it breaks his heart, cause he already knows - it won't be like this for long."

There are some stages of raising babies I can't stand - my son is currently in a phase where he just goes "Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, hi Mommy. Mommy. Mommy - Mooooommmy!" I'll ask him what he needs - say hi back, it doesn't matter. He just wants to say my name, over and over again. But I try to remind myself that when he's 14 and pouting because I won't let him do something - I'm going to wish I could hear his tiny little voice calling me Mommy. As much as I complain about Cayden STILL waking up at night - I often look at his chubby little boy feet and remember when they were tiny little newborn feet and think about how it's going to be when I can't hold him - because he's too big, or because he's at college, or across town with his own family. I know, as a Mother, it's my job to prepare my son to live away from me and be on his own. And I knew that when I signed on for this deal. I guess I just wasn't prepared for how much it hurt. Some people try to tell me that it's a long way away - but I know that when you live in Mommy world, the clock is set on fast forward, and I have yet to find the pause button.

"Making a decision to have a child -- it's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body."