Dear future daughter-in-law

Dear Future Daughter-in-law,

I have a mother in law that annoys the crap out of me. And I realized the other day in a way, I'm sort of lucky. I wish she was an awesome mother in law, I wish we got along better, but at the very least she's showing me what kind of mother in law I don't want to be.

I don't actually know if you'll be my daughter in law. You and my son may decide not to marry and just be together. Or, my son could be gay and you could be my son in law. You might be white, black, asian, latina... Whatever. It doesn't matter to me. I don't care what you do, I don't care what you look like, all I care about is that you make my son happy. My son's are special - but I know anyone they choose to be with must be special as well.

I used to not understand why Mom's had such a hard time when their sons started dating or got married. Now that I have children, I get it. It's not just sons, it's any child. You carry this kid for 10 months, protect them and care for them for 18 plus years, and their your whole world, and for awhile, you're their whole world. And then you're not. And then there's the fact that boy's are often told they only have room for one female in their lives. Suddenly you go from being that number one to not.

However, I also realize that that's my job as a mother - to raise my children so they can go out there in the world and be successful in their own lives. It doesn't mean it's not hard, or that it doesn't hurt, but it does mean that I've done my job.

Here's what I promise to you: To treat you and your choices with respect. I'd love it if one day you gave me grandchildren - but I realize that is up to you guys. And if you choose to have children, I will not pressure you on when, or how many. I won't judge your baby names or your choices in parenting. I will try my best to only give advice when asked for it - and I will never get angry if you choose not to use my advice. I also realize that times change, and by the time my babies are having babies, what I did when they were kids may be outdated. It is up to you to decide how much and when you want me around.

I will never make you feel like I feel like you're not good enough for my son. I trust my son's judgement - even as I'm writing this and they are only 2 months and 2 years old. I know that if they love you, it's with good reason. I hope that you and I will be able to have a great relationship - I hope that I can help with a wedding, if you choose a wedding. I hope I can be there to help out with babies - if you choose to have babies.

I just want you to know that.