I have a post written detailing our trip and it just needs pictures of the boys. Why haven't I gotten off my lazy ass to add pictures? Because I'm sick. Again. And so is Eli. Only I think Eli is faring better than I am.
I feel like a walking over the counter pharmacy because I'm taking so much OTC stuff. I'm hoping to go in tomorrow to get something real. I thought it was just a cold on steroids, but now I think it's a sinus infection, or an ear infection, or maybe even both.
Is it spring yet? I can deal with the cold weather, I'm so tired of the germs.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
People are such funny creatures
Today I got asked what age I consider a young Mom to be. I have no idea. I guess I'm a young Mom? Although, 25 doesn't seem that young to me, even if it is a new 25. Do I feel older though because I have two children? I don't know, maybe. I've just always considered age to be the number of years you've been on this earth, not how mature or experienced you are. My sister's fiance is older than me - the same age as my husband (33) and I think he has a lot of growing up to do. However, one of my campers is 18 and I think she's more mature than a lot of people I know. Time doesn't make you more experienced or more mature, it's what you do with that time that does.
The person who asked me that question was asking because she overheard a complete stranger say very rudely that there were SO many young Mothers these days - as if it were a bad thing. It made me kind of laugh to hear this story - we live in a day and age where people don't report child abuse or help a stranger in trouble because it's "none of their business", but yet strangers still find it acceptable to comment on how I raise my children, or what age I have kids at.
People used to be considered old maids if they weren't married with kids by 25! And now it's the norm to wait till 40 and beyond. People say it's better to wait until later to have kids - you're more mature, more experienced, you tend to be better off financially, and you've had time to do your own thing. This can be true - but it can also not be true. And it can be argued that a younger Mom is in better shape to chase after her children, and since the age gap is closer, can better relate to her children. I just think being a good Mom isn't something that can be determined by age alone. I would never recommend for a 16 year old to get pregnant - BUT there are some 16 year olds who I know who would handle it MUCH better than others. And, I do know a single teenage mom who is a much better mother to her daughter than my 29 year old friend and her 29 year old husband are to their son.
Personally, I don't think anyone is ever really ready to have kids. Oh, sure, you can be more ready than others, but life always throws you curves, and you just can't plan for everything. Kids are unpredictable - the problems that arise with them are so very different. You just kind of have to bite the bullet and jump in.
I went off on a tangent that I didn't mean too. It just irks me I guess, how everyone seems to have an opinion on parenting - and they're not afraid to tell you when they think you're doing it wrong. I had parenting plans when I was pregnant with Cayden - how things were going to go. And then everything went to hell. It was rough, at first. I was depressed and felt kind of like a failure, because damnit that's not the type of Mom I was supposed to be. Then I realized that I was exactly the kind of Mom I should be. I loved my son more than words could say. I just didn't realize that different children and families need different things. One thing works on one child and it won't work on another. One thing works for one family but won't work for another.
Anyway, I came to update you guys on our trip, but it's almost 2 AM and I'm tired and still have to put clothes in the dryer. So next post will be trip update with pictures :-)
The person who asked me that question was asking because she overheard a complete stranger say very rudely that there were SO many young Mothers these days - as if it were a bad thing. It made me kind of laugh to hear this story - we live in a day and age where people don't report child abuse or help a stranger in trouble because it's "none of their business", but yet strangers still find it acceptable to comment on how I raise my children, or what age I have kids at.
People used to be considered old maids if they weren't married with kids by 25! And now it's the norm to wait till 40 and beyond. People say it's better to wait until later to have kids - you're more mature, more experienced, you tend to be better off financially, and you've had time to do your own thing. This can be true - but it can also not be true. And it can be argued that a younger Mom is in better shape to chase after her children, and since the age gap is closer, can better relate to her children. I just think being a good Mom isn't something that can be determined by age alone. I would never recommend for a 16 year old to get pregnant - BUT there are some 16 year olds who I know who would handle it MUCH better than others. And, I do know a single teenage mom who is a much better mother to her daughter than my 29 year old friend and her 29 year old husband are to their son.
Personally, I don't think anyone is ever really ready to have kids. Oh, sure, you can be more ready than others, but life always throws you curves, and you just can't plan for everything. Kids are unpredictable - the problems that arise with them are so very different. You just kind of have to bite the bullet and jump in.
I went off on a tangent that I didn't mean too. It just irks me I guess, how everyone seems to have an opinion on parenting - and they're not afraid to tell you when they think you're doing it wrong. I had parenting plans when I was pregnant with Cayden - how things were going to go. And then everything went to hell. It was rough, at first. I was depressed and felt kind of like a failure, because damnit that's not the type of Mom I was supposed to be. Then I realized that I was exactly the kind of Mom I should be. I loved my son more than words could say. I just didn't realize that different children and families need different things. One thing works on one child and it won't work on another. One thing works for one family but won't work for another.
Anyway, I came to update you guys on our trip, but it's almost 2 AM and I'm tired and still have to put clothes in the dryer. So next post will be trip update with pictures :-)
Saturday, February 12, 2011
I will never sleep again
As you can see, I'm playing with the layout of the blog. I like it alright, I'm especially proud of the picture at the top of the page - those are Elijah's tiny toes.
I played with it because I'm not sleeping. Eli getting up so much has really thrown my schedule for a loop, and my insomnia has come back with a vengeance, so even when he is sleeping, I can't. Now I'm up all night, and I sleep till 2 or 3 in the afternoon (Jeremy watches the kids). It seems like a nice arrangement, but it's not. I feel like I rarely get to see my kids anymore - since Eli goes to bed at 8:30 and Cayden goes down at 9:30.
He was giving me a 5 hour chunk. And then it was 2 hours after that. Then he stopped. For the past two days he's been a decent sleeper. Tonight he's been up five or 6 times. And before, he'd eat and go back to sleep. Tonight he seems to think it's play time. I thought a growth spurt, but he can't be spurting this much. I've tried everything I can think of - swaddling, not swaddling, I stopped rocking him to sleep so if he wakes up he can learn to fall back asleep on his own. The doctor (who knows our history with Cayden's sleep issues) told us that we could try cereal in his bottle. She said because he's a bigger baby, he may just need something more satisfying. However, she also said it could just end up backfiring us. I guess with a few babies it holds them over, but with others it just fills them up quicker, making them eat less and therefore they wind up hungry faster. I'm still considering trying it. I just don't know what to do, even if I get my sleep schedule back on track, it doesn't matter, because it'll just get screwed up again with Eli waking every hour. I know a LOT of babies don't sleep through the night at this age - and I don't expect him too. But my pediatrician said we should be getting at least 4 hours - we're not. We were getting 5, but even after he slept that long chunk he would then be up every two hours after.
To top off sleep frustrations, Cayden, who FINALLY started sleeping through the night (28 months. 28 freaking months to do it consistently - and not even all that consistently, we did have the occasionally night where he'd wake once - but he slept through the night more days than he ever has before.) has also been waking. And not just his normal one or two times. Not even three times. Six times. I counted. I am blaming this one on a growth spurt, but I'm just hoping that when it's over it doesn't mess up the wonderful pattern we had.
My children are amazing, and I love them, but I think they might be trying to kill me.
Nothing much else is going on - we're taking them to the Aquarium in Newport on Monday and I am SO excited. That's one of the best parts about having kids, you get doubly excited. I like the Aquarium and can't wait to go for myself, but I know Cayden and Eli are going to LOVE it, and I can't wait to see their reaction. I know Eli's little but I just think he'll love looking at the colors and stuff, and Cayden is just going to go nuts. We're staying overnight in a hotel that has an indoor pool - so Eli will get his first swim and Cayden loves the bathtub, so I hope he's back to loving the pool (when he was a baby, he loved the pool. Then he was afraid of it, then he loved it, then last summer we took him swimming and he wasn't a fan. We shall see.)
Alright, I'm going to go play some more on picnik - I'll have to post my "creations" sometime :-)
I played with it because I'm not sleeping. Eli getting up so much has really thrown my schedule for a loop, and my insomnia has come back with a vengeance, so even when he is sleeping, I can't. Now I'm up all night, and I sleep till 2 or 3 in the afternoon (Jeremy watches the kids). It seems like a nice arrangement, but it's not. I feel like I rarely get to see my kids anymore - since Eli goes to bed at 8:30 and Cayden goes down at 9:30.
He was giving me a 5 hour chunk. And then it was 2 hours after that. Then he stopped. For the past two days he's been a decent sleeper. Tonight he's been up five or 6 times. And before, he'd eat and go back to sleep. Tonight he seems to think it's play time. I thought a growth spurt, but he can't be spurting this much. I've tried everything I can think of - swaddling, not swaddling, I stopped rocking him to sleep so if he wakes up he can learn to fall back asleep on his own. The doctor (who knows our history with Cayden's sleep issues) told us that we could try cereal in his bottle. She said because he's a bigger baby, he may just need something more satisfying. However, she also said it could just end up backfiring us. I guess with a few babies it holds them over, but with others it just fills them up quicker, making them eat less and therefore they wind up hungry faster. I'm still considering trying it. I just don't know what to do, even if I get my sleep schedule back on track, it doesn't matter, because it'll just get screwed up again with Eli waking every hour. I know a LOT of babies don't sleep through the night at this age - and I don't expect him too. But my pediatrician said we should be getting at least 4 hours - we're not. We were getting 5, but even after he slept that long chunk he would then be up every two hours after.
To top off sleep frustrations, Cayden, who FINALLY started sleeping through the night (28 months. 28 freaking months to do it consistently - and not even all that consistently, we did have the occasionally night where he'd wake once - but he slept through the night more days than he ever has before.) has also been waking. And not just his normal one or two times. Not even three times. Six times. I counted. I am blaming this one on a growth spurt, but I'm just hoping that when it's over it doesn't mess up the wonderful pattern we had.
My children are amazing, and I love them, but I think they might be trying to kill me.
Nothing much else is going on - we're taking them to the Aquarium in Newport on Monday and I am SO excited. That's one of the best parts about having kids, you get doubly excited. I like the Aquarium and can't wait to go for myself, but I know Cayden and Eli are going to LOVE it, and I can't wait to see their reaction. I know Eli's little but I just think he'll love looking at the colors and stuff, and Cayden is just going to go nuts. We're staying overnight in a hotel that has an indoor pool - so Eli will get his first swim and Cayden loves the bathtub, so I hope he's back to loving the pool (when he was a baby, he loved the pool. Then he was afraid of it, then he loved it, then last summer we took him swimming and he wasn't a fan. We shall see.)
Alright, I'm going to go play some more on picnik - I'll have to post my "creations" sometime :-)
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Dear future daughter-in-law
Dear Future Daughter-in-law,
I have a mother in law that annoys the crap out of me. And I realized the other day in a way, I'm sort of lucky. I wish she was an awesome mother in law, I wish we got along better, but at the very least she's showing me what kind of mother in law I don't want to be.
I don't actually know if you'll be my daughter in law. You and my son may decide not to marry and just be together. Or, my son could be gay and you could be my son in law. You might be white, black, asian, latina... Whatever. It doesn't matter to me. I don't care what you do, I don't care what you look like, all I care about is that you make my son happy. My son's are special - but I know anyone they choose to be with must be special as well.
I used to not understand why Mom's had such a hard time when their sons started dating or got married. Now that I have children, I get it. It's not just sons, it's any child. You carry this kid for 10 months, protect them and care for them for 18 plus years, and their your whole world, and for awhile, you're their whole world. And then you're not. And then there's the fact that boy's are often told they only have room for one female in their lives. Suddenly you go from being that number one to not.
However, I also realize that that's my job as a mother - to raise my children so they can go out there in the world and be successful in their own lives. It doesn't mean it's not hard, or that it doesn't hurt, but it does mean that I've done my job.
Here's what I promise to you: To treat you and your choices with respect. I'd love it if one day you gave me grandchildren - but I realize that is up to you guys. And if you choose to have children, I will not pressure you on when, or how many. I won't judge your baby names or your choices in parenting. I will try my best to only give advice when asked for it - and I will never get angry if you choose not to use my advice. I also realize that times change, and by the time my babies are having babies, what I did when they were kids may be outdated. It is up to you to decide how much and when you want me around.
I will never make you feel like I feel like you're not good enough for my son. I trust my son's judgement - even as I'm writing this and they are only 2 months and 2 years old. I know that if they love you, it's with good reason. I hope that you and I will be able to have a great relationship - I hope that I can help with a wedding, if you choose a wedding. I hope I can be there to help out with babies - if you choose to have babies.
I just want you to know that.
I have a mother in law that annoys the crap out of me. And I realized the other day in a way, I'm sort of lucky. I wish she was an awesome mother in law, I wish we got along better, but at the very least she's showing me what kind of mother in law I don't want to be.
I don't actually know if you'll be my daughter in law. You and my son may decide not to marry and just be together. Or, my son could be gay and you could be my son in law. You might be white, black, asian, latina... Whatever. It doesn't matter to me. I don't care what you do, I don't care what you look like, all I care about is that you make my son happy. My son's are special - but I know anyone they choose to be with must be special as well.
I used to not understand why Mom's had such a hard time when their sons started dating or got married. Now that I have children, I get it. It's not just sons, it's any child. You carry this kid for 10 months, protect them and care for them for 18 plus years, and their your whole world, and for awhile, you're their whole world. And then you're not. And then there's the fact that boy's are often told they only have room for one female in their lives. Suddenly you go from being that number one to not.
However, I also realize that that's my job as a mother - to raise my children so they can go out there in the world and be successful in their own lives. It doesn't mean it's not hard, or that it doesn't hurt, but it does mean that I've done my job.
Here's what I promise to you: To treat you and your choices with respect. I'd love it if one day you gave me grandchildren - but I realize that is up to you guys. And if you choose to have children, I will not pressure you on when, or how many. I won't judge your baby names or your choices in parenting. I will try my best to only give advice when asked for it - and I will never get angry if you choose not to use my advice. I also realize that times change, and by the time my babies are having babies, what I did when they were kids may be outdated. It is up to you to decide how much and when you want me around.
I will never make you feel like I feel like you're not good enough for my son. I trust my son's judgement - even as I'm writing this and they are only 2 months and 2 years old. I know that if they love you, it's with good reason. I hope that you and I will be able to have a great relationship - I hope that I can help with a wedding, if you choose a wedding. I hope I can be there to help out with babies - if you choose to have babies.
I just want you to know that.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Oh MIL
I know you guys like hearing about my MIL, so here's the latest story:
We haven't seen them since the day after Christmas. We made plans a couple times, but they kept canceling - supposidly my MIL was "sick", and then we had bad weather so it got canceled again.
So we finally see them Saturday. We went out to dinner for my birthday - which was nice of them, they didn't have to take me out and I appreciate it. But it was really annoying.
First, they get there before us, and the place is busy. They had put our names on the wait list - but we had a large party (because they counted the kids - so we had 6 people) and then on top of that my MIL and FIL requested a specific table - they usually request NOT a booth, since they're bigger and can't fit in them, but this time they asked for a half booth/table for some reason.
Well, then my MIL starts complaining about why it's taking so long - and about how other people were going ahead of us. We tried to explain to her that those people had smaller parties but she didn't get it. Then when Jeremy mentioned that we were also waiting for the special table they requested my MIL got all worked up "I don't care WHERE we sit, I just want to sit."
...Well, you didn't tell them that. So that's why we have to wait. And it's not like she was like "Oh, I don't care anymore." She was acting like the hostess was an idiot because she couldn't read minds. Another reason I hate going out with them - they are always SO rude to people and it's embarassing.
So then she starts asking about what we plan on doing with our tax money - and asks if we plan to move out of my Mom's house. We're not. Don't get me wrong - I want to live in our own place, but it's actually working out better than I thought it would. She helps us, we help her. Right now too, we can't afford to move out - even if we used all our tax money. And we need to get a car, because the one we have is about to bite the dust.
Anyway, she hears this and gets upset - I'm pretty sure because she's jealous. But she says "I just worry about the kids and the smoke."
Which ticks me off. I mean don't get me wrong, the one thing I DO hate about living here is the fact that my Mom and brother smoke. I mean they don't smoke around the kids, but they still smoke inside, and I know it's not the best for them. But, when it comes down to a smoking household or the street - I think the house is better. If she was so fucking worried about the kids and the smoke, why didn't she offer her house? Not that we'd take it, but she has just as much room as my Mom does - if not more, because she and my FIL share a room, where as my brother needs his own room.
So I kind of rolled my eyes and said my normal "they're fine" whenever she starts in on that stuff.
She goes on to say "You won't be saying they're fine when they get asthma"
And the way she said it was just totally rude and snotty and basically like I didn't care about my kids. Which really ruffled my feathers - but I tried to stay calm, and answered "They don't have asthma." To which she answered "I didn't say they did - I said WHEN they get it." Making it clear that she thought they would get it.
I kinda snapped and just said "Cayden is 2 and a half years old and he's been sick twice. I think he's in damn good health and I think Jeremy and I are doing a wonderful job in raising them."
George, my FIL sensed that it was getting heated and kinda cut things off at that point saying "You're right, you are." and she dropped it.
However, thinking about it now, I wish I would have said more. I can't defend smoking - it's a nasty habit and I don't want my kids around it, but again, I wish I would have brought up the fact that they never offered their smoke free house, so obviously she wasn't TOO worried about it. Or the fact that she was so adament that they would get asthma - when I grew up in a smoking house with THREE smokers and a cigar smoker, my Mother smoked WHILE pregnant, and I don't have asthma - and neither does my Mom, sister, or brother who are actual smokers themselves. Or how about the fact that she doesn't smoke but she's sick with something every other day?
Then Jeremy told me when we were leaving how he doesn't understand why she's being so judgy - his Dad used to smoke and smoked around Jeremy!
...I just can't stand her.
We haven't seen them since the day after Christmas. We made plans a couple times, but they kept canceling - supposidly my MIL was "sick", and then we had bad weather so it got canceled again.
So we finally see them Saturday. We went out to dinner for my birthday - which was nice of them, they didn't have to take me out and I appreciate it. But it was really annoying.
First, they get there before us, and the place is busy. They had put our names on the wait list - but we had a large party (because they counted the kids - so we had 6 people) and then on top of that my MIL and FIL requested a specific table - they usually request NOT a booth, since they're bigger and can't fit in them, but this time they asked for a half booth/table for some reason.
Well, then my MIL starts complaining about why it's taking so long - and about how other people were going ahead of us. We tried to explain to her that those people had smaller parties but she didn't get it. Then when Jeremy mentioned that we were also waiting for the special table they requested my MIL got all worked up "I don't care WHERE we sit, I just want to sit."
...Well, you didn't tell them that. So that's why we have to wait. And it's not like she was like "Oh, I don't care anymore." She was acting like the hostess was an idiot because she couldn't read minds. Another reason I hate going out with them - they are always SO rude to people and it's embarassing.
So then she starts asking about what we plan on doing with our tax money - and asks if we plan to move out of my Mom's house. We're not. Don't get me wrong - I want to live in our own place, but it's actually working out better than I thought it would. She helps us, we help her. Right now too, we can't afford to move out - even if we used all our tax money. And we need to get a car, because the one we have is about to bite the dust.
Anyway, she hears this and gets upset - I'm pretty sure because she's jealous. But she says "I just worry about the kids and the smoke."
Which ticks me off. I mean don't get me wrong, the one thing I DO hate about living here is the fact that my Mom and brother smoke. I mean they don't smoke around the kids, but they still smoke inside, and I know it's not the best for them. But, when it comes down to a smoking household or the street - I think the house is better. If she was so fucking worried about the kids and the smoke, why didn't she offer her house? Not that we'd take it, but she has just as much room as my Mom does - if not more, because she and my FIL share a room, where as my brother needs his own room.
So I kind of rolled my eyes and said my normal "they're fine" whenever she starts in on that stuff.
She goes on to say "You won't be saying they're fine when they get asthma"
And the way she said it was just totally rude and snotty and basically like I didn't care about my kids. Which really ruffled my feathers - but I tried to stay calm, and answered "They don't have asthma." To which she answered "I didn't say they did - I said WHEN they get it." Making it clear that she thought they would get it.
I kinda snapped and just said "Cayden is 2 and a half years old and he's been sick twice. I think he's in damn good health and I think Jeremy and I are doing a wonderful job in raising them."
George, my FIL sensed that it was getting heated and kinda cut things off at that point saying "You're right, you are." and she dropped it.
However, thinking about it now, I wish I would have said more. I can't defend smoking - it's a nasty habit and I don't want my kids around it, but again, I wish I would have brought up the fact that they never offered their smoke free house, so obviously she wasn't TOO worried about it. Or the fact that she was so adament that they would get asthma - when I grew up in a smoking house with THREE smokers and a cigar smoker, my Mother smoked WHILE pregnant, and I don't have asthma - and neither does my Mom, sister, or brother who are actual smokers themselves. Or how about the fact that she doesn't smoke but she's sick with something every other day?
Then Jeremy told me when we were leaving how he doesn't understand why she's being so judgy - his Dad used to smoke and smoked around Jeremy!
...I just can't stand her.
Friday, February 4, 2011
Blessed
I know. I just posted a few hours ago, but I'm still awake (issues sleeping. Bleck.) and I just wanted to write somethings.
New Mom's are prone to complaining, I think. Being a new Mom is hard, you carried this baby for 10 months and it slowly took over your body, getting bigger and bigger and then you have to push it out (or, you know, get it cut out like a tumor. Which, it kind of is a tumor, in a way, I guess.) And that's taxing and tiring - but you don't get to rest, because suddenly you have this helpless human being who needs you to do EVERYTHING for it. No rest, AND your life changes dramatically - especially if it's your first.
So yeah, new mom's like to complain. And honestly who can blame them? It's a wonder they don't go into shock.
I think I mentioned in my last blog post that last night I stayed up late looking at pictures and reading old blogs... I stumbled across a blog entry about a little girl who was supposed to be due around the same time as Cayden - but instead came super early. She was born a little over 1 lbs. She wasn't supposed to live - but she did. I remember blogging about her because I was having such a rough time with Cayden - I was sick from the pancreatitus and all that crap and feeling sorry for myself because of all the procedures I had to go through and feeling exhausted being a new Mom and blah blah blah. And around this time I stumbled across her blog - and it made me take a good long hard look at myself. Yes, I did have to go through a couple of procedures, and yeah they sucked. But at least those procedures were routine - and I had an end in sight. This little girl, as small and young as she was, had to undergo open heart surgery. And who knew how many more surgeries or test she would have done on her.
Yes, getting up with a new baby every two hours is exhausting. But these parents had to travel to the hospital just to see their baby - leaving their other two children at home, and some days they couldn't even hold their baby.
The little girl's name was Kayleigh - sadly enough Kayleigh is no longer with us. She had one last procedure before she was supposed to go home - but something didn't go right, and she ended up brain dead.
I can't tell you how hard I hugged Cayden that night. And every time Kayleigh pops into my head, I have to go give him a hug - because I am so very lucky that he is here, and he is healthy.
With Elijah, there's another sick little girl. She was born in October, her name is Scarlett, and she has a brain tumor. They discovered it at her 2 month well baby check. Can you imagine that? Eli is two months. I can't being to go into my well baby check with what I think is my healthy chunkster only to be told - no, your baby has a brain tumor, and there is nothing we can do about it.
They got a second opinion, and the surgeon said they could operate. So far she is doing well, but she's not out of the woods. And again, I just feel so very lucky. Yeah, Eli has reflux - but it's not going to kill him. I don't have to sit up at nights wondering how much longer we have left.
I know I'm the Queen of complaining - But I just wanted to take a moment and let you guys know that even though I complain, I am completely aware of how very blessed I am. My boys are here with me, they are healthy, they are gorgeous, and I'm so very lucky for that. No new mother wants to think that her baby might get sick and die - but it's always a possibility, and I just want to thank God that so far that's not a possibility for us.
Send a prayer up for baby Scarlett please, and if you would like to read about her, she has a blog here: http://brandiandchris.blogspot.com/
New Mom's are prone to complaining, I think. Being a new Mom is hard, you carried this baby for 10 months and it slowly took over your body, getting bigger and bigger and then you have to push it out (or, you know, get it cut out like a tumor. Which, it kind of is a tumor, in a way, I guess.) And that's taxing and tiring - but you don't get to rest, because suddenly you have this helpless human being who needs you to do EVERYTHING for it. No rest, AND your life changes dramatically - especially if it's your first.
So yeah, new mom's like to complain. And honestly who can blame them? It's a wonder they don't go into shock.
I think I mentioned in my last blog post that last night I stayed up late looking at pictures and reading old blogs... I stumbled across a blog entry about a little girl who was supposed to be due around the same time as Cayden - but instead came super early. She was born a little over 1 lbs. She wasn't supposed to live - but she did. I remember blogging about her because I was having such a rough time with Cayden - I was sick from the pancreatitus and all that crap and feeling sorry for myself because of all the procedures I had to go through and feeling exhausted being a new Mom and blah blah blah. And around this time I stumbled across her blog - and it made me take a good long hard look at myself. Yes, I did have to go through a couple of procedures, and yeah they sucked. But at least those procedures were routine - and I had an end in sight. This little girl, as small and young as she was, had to undergo open heart surgery. And who knew how many more surgeries or test she would have done on her.
Yes, getting up with a new baby every two hours is exhausting. But these parents had to travel to the hospital just to see their baby - leaving their other two children at home, and some days they couldn't even hold their baby.
The little girl's name was Kayleigh - sadly enough Kayleigh is no longer with us. She had one last procedure before she was supposed to go home - but something didn't go right, and she ended up brain dead.
I can't tell you how hard I hugged Cayden that night. And every time Kayleigh pops into my head, I have to go give him a hug - because I am so very lucky that he is here, and he is healthy.
With Elijah, there's another sick little girl. She was born in October, her name is Scarlett, and she has a brain tumor. They discovered it at her 2 month well baby check. Can you imagine that? Eli is two months. I can't being to go into my well baby check with what I think is my healthy chunkster only to be told - no, your baby has a brain tumor, and there is nothing we can do about it.
They got a second opinion, and the surgeon said they could operate. So far she is doing well, but she's not out of the woods. And again, I just feel so very lucky. Yeah, Eli has reflux - but it's not going to kill him. I don't have to sit up at nights wondering how much longer we have left.
I know I'm the Queen of complaining - But I just wanted to take a moment and let you guys know that even though I complain, I am completely aware of how very blessed I am. My boys are here with me, they are healthy, they are gorgeous, and I'm so very lucky for that. No new mother wants to think that her baby might get sick and die - but it's always a possibility, and I just want to thank God that so far that's not a possibility for us.
Send a prayer up for baby Scarlett please, and if you would like to read about her, she has a blog here: http://brandiandchris.blogspot.com/
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Be forewarned: I am in a very weird mood. Not bad, more like slap happy. I keep saying things that I personally think are hilarious but are probably really stupid/annoying to other people.
It's been a crazy past week or so, with me being sick and then Cayden being sick (and Jeremy and Eli too.) Saturday we went out and celebrated my birthday - which was fun but I was also worried as both boys were home with my Mom. I know she's raised three kids who were closer in age than Cayden and Eli, and I trust her, but they can both be such a handful sometimes, and she's older.
Anyway, my birthday was fun, dinner was good, presents were good (it obviously isn't the important thing, but honestly who doesn't like presents?) On my actual birthday Jeremy bought me a cake and made me an awesome dinner, so that was nice too. We filed our taxes, which is exciting - even though the money is pretty much already spent (we're buying a car. The car we have is making some funny noises, and it's TINY.) We got hit with the ice storm, which was fun. Fun, fun, fuuuuuun.
As for the boys... They're both doing well. Eli has a slight cough and Cayden is still coughing/running nose, but is back to tearing crap up, so I think he feels better, ha ha. I'm so happy we finally figured out Eli's reflux medicine - he's a whole new baby. He's still not great on the "put me down and I'll hang out by myself" deal, but I think now it's because he's used to being held - where as before it hurt to put him down. He's started to do little stretches of time on the floor, which is nice, and I'm hoping soon I can put him down to play while I get things done.
I stayed up late last night re-reading old blogs on my myspace and looking at old videos and pictures. It's crazy that a mere 2 years ago, I had no children (OK, it's a little over 2 years - Cayden will be 2 1/2 next month, how crazy is that? But you get my drift.) I really can't remember life without kids. I have no idea anymore what it must have been like to sleep in as long as I wanted too, or what it was like to pick up at a drop of a hat and go see a movie... I just can't remember. And I really can't remember what it was like to only be a family with one child. I know it was easier - I know things got done faster, but even though Eli has only been here for 2 short months, it was like he was always here.
I also was shocked to see how little Cayden used to be. Even pictures I have right before Eli was born... He seems so much bigger now. Everyone says it, I say it all the time, but they grow so fast - overnight at times. I stumbled across a video of Cayden that was taken while I was pregnant with Eli and his vocab was so much worse than it was now. It really is amazing, when you sit down and think about it, how quickly these helpless little creatures grown and learn and figure things out.
I talked to Jeremy about having more kids. Obviously, it won't be any time soon, but I do think I would like one more. He says I'm crazy, but I just think that every woman knows when she's done, and I just don't feel like our family is complete yet. I do realize that I could not handle another baby right now - and I don't think I could even handle another baby in the same age gap as we have Eli and Cayden. But, I do think we'll have one more, and I'm already excited for him/her. I already have both names picked out, and I already know that we won't find out the sex and it's just going to be fun. I just can't be done with babies yet. Again, Eli is growing SO quickly and I don't want this to be the last time I hold an infant.
And now, for pictures:
I may have already posted this one, but I think it's neat, because I didn't pose it:
Someone on babycenter made this for me, Cayden is on the left and Eli is on the right:
It's been a crazy past week or so, with me being sick and then Cayden being sick (and Jeremy and Eli too.) Saturday we went out and celebrated my birthday - which was fun but I was also worried as both boys were home with my Mom. I know she's raised three kids who were closer in age than Cayden and Eli, and I trust her, but they can both be such a handful sometimes, and she's older.
Anyway, my birthday was fun, dinner was good, presents were good (it obviously isn't the important thing, but honestly who doesn't like presents?) On my actual birthday Jeremy bought me a cake and made me an awesome dinner, so that was nice too. We filed our taxes, which is exciting - even though the money is pretty much already spent (we're buying a car. The car we have is making some funny noises, and it's TINY.) We got hit with the ice storm, which was fun. Fun, fun, fuuuuuun.
As for the boys... They're both doing well. Eli has a slight cough and Cayden is still coughing/running nose, but is back to tearing crap up, so I think he feels better, ha ha. I'm so happy we finally figured out Eli's reflux medicine - he's a whole new baby. He's still not great on the "put me down and I'll hang out by myself" deal, but I think now it's because he's used to being held - where as before it hurt to put him down. He's started to do little stretches of time on the floor, which is nice, and I'm hoping soon I can put him down to play while I get things done.
I stayed up late last night re-reading old blogs on my myspace and looking at old videos and pictures. It's crazy that a mere 2 years ago, I had no children (OK, it's a little over 2 years - Cayden will be 2 1/2 next month, how crazy is that? But you get my drift.) I really can't remember life without kids. I have no idea anymore what it must have been like to sleep in as long as I wanted too, or what it was like to pick up at a drop of a hat and go see a movie... I just can't remember. And I really can't remember what it was like to only be a family with one child. I know it was easier - I know things got done faster, but even though Eli has only been here for 2 short months, it was like he was always here.
I also was shocked to see how little Cayden used to be. Even pictures I have right before Eli was born... He seems so much bigger now. Everyone says it, I say it all the time, but they grow so fast - overnight at times. I stumbled across a video of Cayden that was taken while I was pregnant with Eli and his vocab was so much worse than it was now. It really is amazing, when you sit down and think about it, how quickly these helpless little creatures grown and learn and figure things out.
I talked to Jeremy about having more kids. Obviously, it won't be any time soon, but I do think I would like one more. He says I'm crazy, but I just think that every woman knows when she's done, and I just don't feel like our family is complete yet. I do realize that I could not handle another baby right now - and I don't think I could even handle another baby in the same age gap as we have Eli and Cayden. But, I do think we'll have one more, and I'm already excited for him/her. I already have both names picked out, and I already know that we won't find out the sex and it's just going to be fun. I just can't be done with babies yet. Again, Eli is growing SO quickly and I don't want this to be the last time I hold an infant.
And now, for pictures:
I may have already posted this one, but I think it's neat, because I didn't pose it:
Someone on babycenter made this for me, Cayden is on the left and Eli is on the right:
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