Being a Mom - it's a heartbreaking deal

Reading Rebecca's blog (which you can find here -http://1life1day.blogspot.com/ - she just had her first - CONGRATS!!!) has me living in the past. I can't believe I'm getting ready to do this all over again. I can't believe my itty bitty 8 lb baby boy is now 32 lbs and about to be 2 years old. With Cayden, around this time I was freaking out - wondering how I'd manage, if I could do it, how I'd handle being a Mom. I thought the second time might be easier - that I wouldn't be so worried, but it turns out I'm just worried about different things. How to give both my children the same amount of attention, how to do things better this time around.

My favorite piece of advice to give new Moms is just to enjoy every moment while they have it - takes pictures and record milestones but also live in the moment. I feel like with Cayden I was so concerned with documenting and recording, and focusing on what he should be doing or doing next... Well, I didn't really enjoy the now.

Everyone tells you how fast you go - but you don't really know. You can't really know, until it's your baby who has gone from this fragile little being who you love so much that it scares the crap out of you to this... Chubby little ball of dirt, sticky, and drool that still scares the crap out of you (because you still love it so much and because children do the scariest things - like head diving off the sofa and laughing about it.) Who can walk and talk and doesn't want to cuddle with you anymore because he has things to do and people to terrorize.

To this day I can't listen to the song "It Won't Be Like This For Long" by Darrius Rucker without crying. My husband teases me for it - but it's just SO true, and so fitting. Often times when Cayden wakes up in the middle of the night I find myself playing the part that says "but right now she's up and crying, and the truth is that he don't mind, as he kisses her goodnight and she says her prayers." He then goes on to sing "He lays down there beside her, till her eyes are finally closed, and just watching her it breaks his heart, cause he already knows - it won't be like this for long."

There are some stages of raising babies I can't stand - my son is currently in a phase where he just goes "Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, hi Mommy. Mommy. Mommy - Mooooommmy!" I'll ask him what he needs - say hi back, it doesn't matter. He just wants to say my name, over and over again. But I try to remind myself that when he's 14 and pouting because I won't let him do something - I'm going to wish I could hear his tiny little voice calling me Mommy. As much as I complain about Cayden STILL waking up at night - I often look at his chubby little boy feet and remember when they were tiny little newborn feet and think about how it's going to be when I can't hold him - because he's too big, or because he's at college, or across town with his own family. I know, as a Mother, it's my job to prepare my son to live away from me and be on his own. And I knew that when I signed on for this deal. I guess I just wasn't prepared for how much it hurt. Some people try to tell me that it's a long way away - but I know that when you live in Mommy world, the clock is set on fast forward, and I have yet to find the pause button.

"Making a decision to have a child -- it's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body."