Well, the results are in....

Sorry I didn't write yesterday, it was just... Not what I was expecting, and everything kind of went to hell. I know some of you think I complain a lot, so if you're sick of hearing me complain, here's where you should stop reading, because I'm at it again.

I had been looking forward to this ultrasound for weeks, and this last week especially time just drug on. I felt like it was NEVER going to get here. I had trouble sleeping Friday night, even though I was tired, because I was so excited.

I had originally wanted to go out to lunch before the ultrasound, but my Mom preferred we wait till after. So the plan was, ultrasound, lunch, Cayden takes a nap, and then we do some shopping to pick up some new clothes for the baby.

Well. Friday night we get a phone call from Mary Anne (my MIL) George (my FIL) is sick. But, he's still going to come. Honestly I was a little pissed. For one, she went on and on about how sick he was. If he's that sick he needs to be seen by a doctor, and for two, why are you going to come out and spread your germs? I mean I understand he wanted to be there, but I'm pregnant so if I get sick it's harmful to the baby as well, and I can't take any medicine, and then there's Cayden who's just a kid... It just irked me. Then Saturday we are on our way to the ultrasound when the place calls us. They're running behind 15 minutes. Which, is no big deal if it had actually been 15 minutes. An HOUR later we finally get to go back. Which by that time, Cayden is in desperate need of a nap, Jeremy and I and Cayden are super hungry, and everyone in general is just sick of waiting.

Cayden wants nothing to do with watching the ultrasound. And they have a little play area in the back for kids who don't want to watch, but Cayden at this point was so tired and so hungry that all he wanted to do was melt down - he didn't even want to eat the snack we brought, he just wanted to freak out. So I was distracted and couldn't really concentrate.

And then I saw the penis. We are having our second boy. It sounds horrible, but I was disappointed - I wanted a girl, and really felt like all signs pointed to a girl. The baby is healthy, and a baby, and that's all that matters, but I had just really planned for a girl, and well... He's not.

So then we leave, and I'm upset but OK, at least I thought I was. But then everyone keeps asking me... "Are you OK? Are you disappointed? Are you upset? What's wrong?" and I don't know if it's just me, but these question just tend to make me feel more emotional. So then I start to cry and I'm even more upset and it was just a wreck.

And of course, my in laws decide that THIS is a good time to ask my husband to take my father in law to the hospital.

I know this is going to make me sound like an asshole, but I'm over my father in law's health issues. I love him to death, I do. But I've said it before: I feel like... Why I care when he clearly doesn't? If he DID care, he'd take better care of himself, instead of stuffing himself with cheesy bacon fries and all that other crap. And I mean, I needed my husband at that point, and we still had a day full of plans. I was also being over emotional and selfish and damnit I just wanted him.

So my husband took my Father in law to the hospital, and while we had planned to have a nice lunch out, I didn't want too with Jeremy gone and my son having a meltdown, so I went with my Mom, we hit the drive thru and went to her house to lay Cayden down.

The rest of the day was kinda blah. We did get to go shopping, but we had less time then we thought and then Jeremy ended up elbowing me in the head really hard (it was an accident) so it hurt really badly... And we never did find out what was wrong with my Father in law. They said at first they thought it was congestive heart failure, but then it wasn't, so who knows? I just really wonder anymore if he's going to make it to the baby being born. And again, part of me feels really bad, and then the other part is really angry, like it's his own damn fault. But, to put the icing on the cake, I was going to put the ultrasound pictures up, and we cannot find them. I remember having them at my Mom's house and then... I dunno. I swore I put them in our diaper bag, but they're gone. And I feel horrible.

I'm more used to the idea of a boy now - the shock has worn off - and I realize how lucky I am to have a baby at all. The baby is healthy, though measuring a few days behind (which the tech said was normal - he may end up actually being a small baby, or his due date may just be off) His name will be Elijah, and if I find the pictures (hopefully I will!) I'll show you all just how adorable he is.