I'm not dead just busy!

I suck at updating this.

Eli is 7 months old now. Isn't that crazy? Wasn't I just finding out I was pregnant and feeling all girly vibes? Or counting down the days until my c-section? And now he's 7 months! Crazy.

So where to start on the updates? I'm not sure, because I'm not sure where we left off, and frankly, I'm too lazy to go look (story of my life).

We'll start with Eli:

He can sit up on his own (Granted, he's been doing that for awhile) He's sort of trying to crawl (making more of an attempt to do it than Cayden ever did. Cayden just rolled everywhere. Eli will army crawl backwards) and he sort of pulls to stand. His reflux? Not any better. Shortly before his 6 month appointment, his prevacid stopped working. So, they switched him to prilosec (if you're for some reason keeping track, that makes it his third medication, zantac, prevacid, prilosec.) At his 6 month appointment, I told the doctor I didn't think it was working. My husband, however, stupidly told her he thought it was fine (and later on told me he said that because he thought it was as good as it was going to get) Well, last week I finally had enough and told Jer to take him back into the doctor. She then put him back on zantac along with the prilosec (dunno why, zantac didn't work the first time.) After a horribly long weekend, I made another appointment for tomorrow. At this point, I don't even know if it's reflux. I think it is, but we've had NO testing done, other than for pyloric stenosis, which really isn't reflux related. People are telling me it might not be reflux at all, but a milk protein allergy. So I'm pretty much going in demanding that he get a barium test to see if he has reflux and if so, how bad it is, and an allergy test. I hate being THAT mom who wants tests done that her baby might not need, but I feel like at this point it's probably better to give him tests instead of playing guinea pig with his medication, you know?

So. 6 month pictures:








Those are the collages - we got individual shots that they made the collages out of, but this way I don't have to post ten billion pictures. I was SUPER happy with how they turned out.

Now on to Cayden:

Cayden has been... Well, Cayden. He's only a few months away from three (and that also kills me. I mean, in a way, I feel like he's been around forever, and I can't really remember life without him. But, he's my baby. When did my baby get so big???) He's showing every symptom of "terrible two's" there is - and I've heard three only gets worse. He's SO independent, and so fearless. It scares the CRAP out of me. He's also just SO funny - the crap that comes out of his mouth is hilarious (and will probably get me into trouble. Though he picked up "what the hell" from his grandma.) We're starting to get him involved in things - he's in soccer right now. Really, all he does is sit on the sidelines and cry (I'll show you pictures in a minute) so I have no delusion of him being some super mega sports star, so that's now why we've enrolled him. I just think he needed something to help him burn off energy. And, he really likes to be with other kids. So. Yeah.

We also took him to see his first movie - cars 2. He did SO well and loved it, so I'm REALLY excited to be able to do that with him now. Here are some pictures, I always feel like I don't post enough pictures of Cayden, but it is SO hard to get him to hold still, and now he's started to either look away when he sees a camera, or make a really weird or grumpy face.

....And of course, photo bucket has stopped working for me. I promise I will come back and edit this later with cute pictures of Cayden at the movies/"playing (i.e crying on the sidelines) soccer.

I'll try to post more often - it's just been crazy. My sister's wedding happened (and was BEAUTIFUL, yay!) and then I'm back in school now, so between the kids, school, and the other blog, it's been hectic!

It's 3:24 AM

What are you doing? Probably sleeping. That's what normal people do at this time. What am I doing? Writing while listening to Eli fuss in the other room. Because he doesn't want to sleep, or eat. He has clean clothes, a clean diaper, and he's warm enough. Frankly I'm tired of trying to get him to go back to sleep, so he can just lay there and fuss for awhile. Because it's 3:24 AM and he should be sleeping.

I miss sleep. I think we've been over this before, but I miss it so much that I think it deserves yet another blog post about how little I get, and how much I miss it. The first thing anyone tells you when they find out you're having a baby is "Wow, you're going to miss sleep." I hate that that was true for us. Because the thing is, it's not really true that often. Yes, you get less sleep than you probably did when you didn't have kids. But if I could get the kind of sleep my other friends with kids got, I'd be euphoric. Their kids will sleep for at least a solid five hours. My child thinks sleeping is for the birds.

I dunno. When it comes to having kids, people always assume your life is going to change drastically. And I assume that it does, but the thing is... You don't really remember what it was like before hand. I cannot recall how it felt to just randomly decide to go to a movie and be able to leave right then and go. So it's not like I miss that part. But I do remember fondly the days of sleeping past noon. I miss those days.

Sometimes my children annoy me. You're never supposed to say that as a Mom. You're supposed to talk about how wonderful having kids are, how much joy they bring to your life, and all that mushy stuff. But sometimes, I can't stand my kids. I can't put a spin on Eli's crying jags, and Cayden at two and a half is the most frustrating person I've ever met in my entire life (and I've met some frustrating people.) Sometimes, I want a break, I want to not be Mommy for a day, I want to put myself first, and not have to worry about getting someone a juice, or a water, or a diaper change. Some days I want to not have to dress three people, or get three people ready to go out the door. Some days I would like to eat a meal while it's still hot, and not get interrupted once. I would die of happiness, I think, if I got a full nights sleep without a single voice crying out and waking me up.

I had to say that, because it's Mother's day. And on Mother's day I feel like sometimes women want to go on and on about their children and how great they are. And children are great. Cayden may be the most frustrating person I've ever met, but he makes me laugh, every day. Eli's crying jags suck, but they do end, and his smiles are the best smiles I've ever seen a baby make. People stop me on the street to tell me how beautiful my kids are, and I literally beam, because they are gorgeous little people, and sometimes I am shocked an amazed that I made them, that they came from me, that they are apart of me.

So why concentrate on the bad? I don't think I'm concentrating on it. I think I'm merely acknowledging the fact that we have mother's day not to say "hey, look how great my kids are!" but to say hey! Sometimes being a mom sucks, but you hang in there and still do what you gotta do, and you are AMAZING for that.

I have carried a baby for 10 months, shared my body. I've had my body cut open in order to bring them into this world. I have been pooped on, peed on, bled on, vomited on, and once even vomited blood on (that was a fun day) I haven't gotten a full nights sleep in at least 5 months now (probably longer than that), I have been hit, kicked, and bit. Sometimes I feel like more like a survivor of war than a Mother. I've sat up all night worrying about a fever and a cough, I have tip toed into rooms to check to make sure little bodies were covered and chests were still rising and falling. I can make a bottle with one hand, and change a diaper with one hand. I am a master at playing cars, an expert hot dog maker, and a cartoon critic. I've danced in living rooms to no music and hidden under tents made of blankets. I've chased away monsters, shared my bed, nursed boo-boos.

I do have to give my children some credit. Without them, I not only would not be a mom (obviously) but I don't think I'd be the person I am today. Putting someone else first all the time requires a selflessness that I didn't have. Having kids also forces you to celebrate and appreciate the little things. Sure, I don't get a full nights sleep anymore, but I have such an amazing reason to drag myself out of bed the next morning. Date nights may be few and far between, but being stuck at home as never been more fun.

Anyway, that was a bunch of babbling just to say: Mom's, appreciate what you do. I understand and appreciate all that you do. Take time for yourself. And also take time to appreciate your kids. Yeah, today is about Mother's, but we Mom's never really can seem to leave our kids out of anything.

Happy mother's day! And because I keep procrastinating, here are just a few of my wonderful, beautiful boys:

Feeling kind of blah

It's the weather. I know we're lucky, because all we're getting here is rain and a few storms, nothing super bad (I hope you all are safe!) But I am still sick of the rain, sick of being stuck inside, and feeling really cooped up. I keep thinking I want to go out somewhere with the kids, but the only places we have to go are the same inside places we've spent all winter at.

Other than that, we're doing alright. Eli will be five months in a couple days (two days, to be exact) and that blows my mind, because we're so close to half a year, and when did all this time pass, exactly? This time last year I was cramping and thinking I was going to lose him, and now here he is, a smiling ball of chub and love. Time is going by way faster now that I have two. However, Eli still seems small to me. I guess because I've got Cayden around to compare him too, and he's just way smaller than Cayden is, obviously.

People are already asking me about other children. My Mom likes to say that two is plenty (which makes me laugh, coming from a woman who had three) My Mother-in-law likes to tell me we can't be done, and she implies it's because we don't have our girl yet. And that seems like the dumbest reason in the world to have another baby: Just to try for a certain sex. It kind of reminds me of eating chocolates, and taking a bite out of every one until you get the kind you like. Only with babies, you can't just leave them in the box. That may make it sound like I don't want my boys because they're boys, but that's not true at all. I'm just saying, if your ONLY reason to have another child is to cross your fingers and hope for a certain sex... I just couldn't do it.

Still, I'm not sure I'm done. Some days I know I'm done, some days I think I should have been done before I started, ha ha. But other days... My Mom I tell her I'm not done, to get under her skin, because she shouldn't tell me that I am done. It's not her decision to make. My Mother in law, I tell I am done, because again, it's not her business to tell me I need to keep having kids, especially when she herself only had one child. Everyone else, I tell the truth: I don't know. And I figure I don't have to know right now. I mean IF we have another child, it'll be years down the road. It's not like I have to know the answer now. We can figure it out later.

Cayden wants another sibling. He asks for one all the time. It makes me laugh. We were so worried about how he'd handle things, and he was fine. Better than fine. He's an amazing big brother. We've had some hiccups (he's hit Eli, he accidentally kicked him in the head once, a week or two ago, he poked him in the face with a fork, and yesterday he was trying to help me feed Eli and jammed the spoon down his throat.) But Cayden loves to hold Eli, loves to talk to Eli (He'll get up in the morning and say "Good Morning Eli!") He's been super helpful with Eli and loves to tell me "He'll get him" when Eli starts crying. And Eli looks at Cayden and just smiles and laughs. They're amazing together. I love them so much separately, but when I see them interacting with each other, I'm so proud and so full of love that I literally feel like I'm going to explode.

Baby is up. I was going to try to do pictures. I'll have to do it later.

Sleep

Sleep has gotten.... Interesting.

Eli slept the best he's ever slept the other night (barring the night of the shots, where he only woke up once because I woke him up) I thought it might be permanent. It hasn't been. We also have another issue. He sleeps a LOT better in his rock and play (for those of you who don't have any idea what this is, it's like a bouncy seat that is taller and safe for sleeping. If you don't know what a bouncy seat is, google it, ha ha) I believe he sleeps better there because it's inclined. The issue is, is it has a weight limit of either 20 or 26 lbs (I can't remember off the top of my head) I'd rather him get used to his crib before we can't use it anymore. Now, if I thought it was just a "I need to get used to it" issue, I would probably just tough it out. But, with his reflux, I think he needs to sleep sitting more inclined. Also, when he lays in his crib, he tends to get more congested, which the doctor said is common in reflux babies - especially ones that spit up a lot, which he does. So, he lays in his crib, doesn't sleep well in it, and then sleeps even worse when he gets congested.

We did incline the mattress, but we can't incline it to the same degree as his rock and play, and so I just don't think it does much good. Not sure what else to do. I guess we'll rock and play it for now and hope he grows out of his reflux before he grows out of his rock and play.

Cayden and sleep... Ugh. Just ugh. I know Mum asked about nightmares/night terrors. Cayden has both - he's had night terrors since he was a baby. Night terrors differ from nightmares because a child/person will scream and LOOK terrified, but will be REALLY hard to wake up (and actually, you're not supposed to wake up, as usually that will only prolong things) They have no recollection of being scared/know what scares them. From what I've read about them, it has to do with sleep cycles and stuff I think. Nightmares are obviously dreams that scare them. Cayden's had a few of these (and the more nightmares he has, the less he seems to do the whole night terror thing) I don't know. We were supposed to go in for his 2 1/2 check and had to postpone it, but I plan on seriously talking to his doctor about possible sleep issues/what we can do about them.

In other news, my Mom has to go in for a heart cath tomorrow, so I better catch some sleep. But if you guys could keep her in your thoughts/prayers, I'd appreciate it.

I love my son, I love my son, I love my son....

I love my son. I just need him to get away from me right now. I realize that that probably makes me sound like a horrible mother, but if I don't vent, I really might explode. I think everyone can agree that that would make me a worse mother, right?

He's back on a no sleeping kick. I don't know what the hell to do, it's so frustrating. And I know - all kids have sleep regressions at points. But it's not like he sleeps well and then has a few weeks of bad sleep. It's like his good sleeping is his regression, if that makes sense. Where other kids are good sleepers majority of the time with periods of bad sleep, he's a bad sleeper with periods of good sleep. I've done everything - I've been active with him so he's tired, but made sure he's gotten his naps so he's not over-tired. He goes to sleep on his own - no sleep aides. We stopped giving him milk in the middle of the night, so he's not waking to eat. He is two and a half years old and is waking up just as much and sometimes more than Eli (who is also a crappy sleeper, but at 4 months old, it's more normal than a 2.5 year old doing it.)

Lately it's even worse, because he wants to get into our bed. And if I don't give in, he's still up multiple times. It used to be if he slept with someone, he was at least a good sleeper - not waking. Now it's the opposite. He's still up multiple times. The only advantage is that I don't have far to go.

Today though, I'm just on overload. Cayden and Eli both slept super crappy two nights ago - with Eli up literally at least every hour, if not more (he learned how to roll from back to belly. So he'd roll onto his belly and wake himself up. Not a fun night) Last night Cayden wanted in our bed, then spent the whole night whining in his sleep. The baby actually slept decently, so of course he was up bright and early. Then Cayden woke up and has just been the biggest whiner/cry baby in the whole entire universe.

And I know - I know he's 2, and that's what 2 year olds do. I'm not saying it's unexpected, I'm not saying it's abnormal, but after the past couple nights on little sleep, coupled with having him pretty much on top of me whining all last night, it is more than I can handle right now. It's to a point where I'm considering just shutting him in his room. I really think he just needs to go back to sleep, but of course he's not going to do that.

Alright, now that I've vented a little, I better go be attentive to the beast. Wish me luck.

I miss writing. Every time I think time is going to clear up for me to start again, something pops up. It's starting to get a little bit old. I miss hearing from you guys, I miss seeing where the other blog is going to go. I keep telling myself eventually things are going to die down, but then something else pops back up. I'm just not so sure anymore.

Cayden is sick. Yet again. For the billionth time in a row. I think it might possibly be yet another ear infection. It's so frustrating because he's not a sickly kid. He was never sick before, and ever since he got croup, we just have had one thing right after another - mainly ear infections that keep switching ears, then his friend got whooping cough and because the boys were exposed to it, they both were on preventative antibiotics for it, which is fine, but it caused them both to have stomach cramps. Then he and I both got some weird stomach bug, and now we're back to... I dunno. Thursday night he woke up with a fever and was crying and clingy. Gave him motrin, fever broke, we let him sleep in our bed. The motrin wore off, the fever came back, he was cranky, we gave him more. Fever goes away, and he's his normal, hyper-active self. But, 6 hours later, the motrin is gone, and he has a fever, and all he wants to do is lay on me... He has no other symptoms but a fever (and when he has a fever, he's cranky.) He's not saying anything hurts, he's not throwing up. Just the fever.

As it stands now, I'm writing this at 4:30 am when I should be sleeping because Cayden's been up a bajillion times, and Eli's been up a bunch and I want to make sure they're both REALLY down before I fall asleep. Which I think they are.

Again, I can't apologize enough for being MIA. I know especially to readers from the other blog it must feel like I just blew it off and I'm never coming back. Trust me, I miss the blog. I have plans on what to write. I just need to find the time to sit down and write it.